Life on 4 wheels and Christmas 2009.

Christmas 2009

A Festive wreath made by the talented Val

Christmas day- was a quiet peaceful, affair and it was a good day to share with with my friends Christian and Jackie. Christian is newly acquainted with a wheelchair. A successful business man running his IT company he has suffered enormously with business and health adversity. This is a testing time for him. The battle is on all fronts. The toughest test is a lonely one and the only person to do it is within. He is a man of courage but even very courageous have dealt with less and withered away.

I had decided that I would be preparing and servicing duck on Christmas day. This we duly started over a day beforehand. I made a a honey butter and orange basting sauce.We salted and seasoned the duck and stuffed it with a sausage sage and onion stuffing. On the day it was roasted for 2.5 hours. For vegetables we used garden fresh carrots and parsnips with butter and rosemary and thyme flavoured olive oil. Similarly for the potatoes, with the skin and par cooked.For greenery we used brussel sprouts fried in bacon pieces with extra butter and fresh black pepper.

Jackie made a delicious baked cheese cake which was enjoyed by all.

A few days before Christmas it started to snow.

With the help of Debbie and Val, Christmas hampers with home-made preserve from my garden , nuts, fresh baked Ginger Biscuits dipped in black chocolate and a tangerine.

The snow remained till boxing day

I have not been bloging for some time now and I see that there are gaps in the journey of my passage through living with an acquired disability. I will attempt to roll back the shutter and let you into the events which passed me by. I have been busy andwhen my mind wrestles with a problem I find it difficult to sit and write. Today I am less distracted by the many problems which have gripped my free mind. So here I am. This account would be incomplete without pictures which, fortunately, for some events I have.

Let me start with a story about my children my girls to be specific. They have been keen drama students for a few years now at a private drama school. They have consistently performed well and starred in a few productions of the drama group. This last production was "The Wizard of Oz" the script was a mix of the Wiz (which starred Michael Jackson) and the original Wizard of Oz. Ruth had an excellent performance in the role of the strawman or scarecrow.Carmen played two roles, the, sassy, jazzy, southern drawling good witch of the south and a singer from the emerald city.

Ruth and Carmen singing

My Children's school results have been fairly good this year Alex is redoing his A level first year with 2 repeat subjects (PE and Maths) and 2 new subjects (Psychology and Business Studies). This course of action, ie staying at Sharnbrook and keeping in the environment of his existing comfort zone, was not my preferred route. I favoured a new environment without the current ruts. I offered that he attend school here in Wellingborough and I would give him a place to work as well as be on hand to assist. At any rate the decision is made and he is seemingly settling down into a more work oriented routine.

Carmen is in her GCSE's . Much loved by all her she gets glowing reports from most. Her favourite subjects are Photography Drama and English Although a good French speaker she is less enthusiastic it and tends to give give it little attention. Her Maths Science and Sociology get good results but she seems to be less keen on them.

Ruth is also popular with teachers and classmates unliike the quiet and slightly shy Alex, the demur and femine Carmen; Ruth is a chatty and out-going character with a ready smile and something to say. All her results are good especially in the sciences and maths.

It has been over a year since I started on the journey to create a new charity called Open Roads. It has at times been very exhausting and very expensive at several levels. One should never set out on a journey without considering the cost. Then you need to be prepared for the unexpected. This journey was no exception. It proved to test every aspect that one is warned about. The most unfortunate was the loss of a founding member, whom I greatly love and admire. I have since stepped into the role of chairman and whilst I have always been an active member of the team, I was happy to play the role of vice chairman. I pleased with our progress we have offices, we have funding till end of March 2010 and in April we commence with a contract to provide services in the county. So you could describe it as a successful year, I consider it to be a year of exceptional success. To check out our preliminary website go to www.openroads.org.uk

The economy and business in general forced me to consider a new line to my business. I developed OncePrint a part of the LCI Ltd business. I have found a way to combine my love for working with pictures with my IT skill. So I can now offer a consultancy in marketing and market research, a service producing marketing materials like banners and flyers and a photo print service. It has been an exceptionally busy period. Next year I would like to spend more time developing my Antarctic picture collection with gallery exhibitions.

My year has been full of events that would have derailed many a resilient warrior but I remain undeterred. Life is never the way you expect it to be and people are seldom what they promise to be. Hope for the best be thankful for what you get and forgive those who let you down.

Golden Eggs and piano blues

I have been very busy lately with updating my business. I have developed and launched a website and developed all the processes around delivering a product to the customer. What remains is just getting the marketing right. I think the product is so impressive in the "flesh" that it sells itself.

I would like to do more exhibitions and have been enquiring at art galleries to do a show my Antarctic work.

In between all the work I have found time to enjoy myself! I went to a blues evening in Finedon. I was very lucky to get to see a great live band called the Daniel Smith Blues Band. We had a great time listening to fantastic piano blues and drinking some micro-brewery bitter. When the show was hoping over I got to meet the band. See below.

The Daniel Smith Blues Band.

This week passed I prepared the final touches for the stand of my pictures at a Christmas Fayre. The event is more suitable for little stocking filler type gifts or crafts. I need to get my name out and show off the work in a tangible form.

The show went well and I learned a lot about selling pictures. I met some great people and many gave me their contact details for later.

The Castle Theatre is a great venue for live events and shows. This Christmas as there is every year, there is a pantomime. This year it's Mother Goose. I was visited by Mother Goose but I couldn't find a golden egg after "she" had left.

Shelley pictured with Mother Goose helped me with the stand. Thanks Shelley.

Once in a Lifetime.

Thanks to everyone who has helped me with the OncePrint business. I will be adding a gallery section containing photographs from artists and photographers . If you would like to contribute let me know and send me a sample of your work. If selected, I will explain the commission and pricing.

In the meanwhile a sample of my work.

The OncePrint poster

Contemplating a New World (descending onto the frozen sea)

Iceberg Icicles

Purple Sun over a tranquil sea at midnight

Winter sunset over a Sea Starting to Freeze

Do it yourself. Making it yourself.

I like to keep busy and I am. My new assistant, Val, and I were chatting about making boerewors (a South African sausage) .I never could have guessed at Val's industriousness within a week I was sending my recipe and talking about the mincer. Val managed to locate an old cast iron hand mincer (see below). With bags of fresh spices we setup, roasted the coriander, cracked the pepper and cubed the meat. The thing is this. To grind the meat feed the sausage and guide the finished work into a spiral.
Thanks to Val and thanks to John and Linda.

New Ventures, Learning and Living

Describing mundane daily life might appear to be a fruitless boring task. In essence it is. I think if you look hard enough at the mundane you will find it quite interesting. I had the opportunity to observe my daughter.

Ruth now just 13, she has been the baby of the family. 2 weeks ago I had Alex and Ruth to stay and Ruth wanted to earn some money doing chores. I needed stones removed in my garden and it's a terrible job. So I hoped Ruth could help me. She did and did a great job, sticking at it for 5 hours a day! After 3 days she had finished front and back with about 20 buckets !

Baked Potatoes

Sometimes time flies and sometimes it crawls. You know they say the length of 5 minutes depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on. Well I must be in a time warp.

I need your help as it is.. In a few day I publish a website for a new business. All will be revealed. Just watch this space!

The weekend past was the warmest for awhile. I watched the Rugby on Justin TV (web based) and then sat outside by the fire chatting to my son. We had bought some fresh fish (trout) and some burgers and we just slowly prepared the meat before tucking to a sumptuous meal with baked potatoes salads and bread. Delicious!

Lawn Badminton.

Rewind

As I sit here I realise that I am a very fortunate man. Despite my hardships, I am able to be outside in the sunshine, to have a wonderful house and garden and a humble disposition of gratitude. It is being aware of my frailty and acceptance of what is good and bad in my life that I can enjoy what I have.

I have worked hard this past week. Presiding over a crisis in Open Roads. I took control when I realised that I was a neutral party and had to do something to keep the team together. Things in the team are still a little fragile but building a successful team means going through the bad times together and keeping an eye on the ball. We aren't in this for ourselves. We are driven by a need to improve the lives of others living with a major disability.

Since my last post I have had Carmen's birthday, a surprise visit on Father's day, some major changes in Aide de Vie (which have resulted in me leaving) and the Open Roads crisis above. I have been stronger lately as I was recently helped with a replacement manual chair. My powered chair, now unused, is left on charge whilst I await the modifications which will hopefully improve it.

Man Flu

In bed still, after 3 days. Debbie, the Kiwi lady who provides my care and assistance, says it's swine flu; her diagnosis is biased by my grumpy behaviour. I think she means the New Zealand name "bastard flu".

I managed to rig my laptop up but I am so weak that even pushing the buttons is an effort. I will endeavour to work tomorrow but I think today is a rest day. I hope this doesn't go on too long, I'm so bored.

Talking about this do you think that better entertainment could be arranged for ill, disabled people? This will be my next charity cause. I can see it now "belly dancers for disabled ". OK, maybe too sexist.

Ruth's Sleepover

13 yrs old and happy and bouncy. Ruth arrived for a sleepover this weekend. We had a full house. 6 new teenagers and enough sugar to make the worlds largest boiled sweet. Explosive.
Saturday afternoon was filled with sweets and snacks on the trampoline.Then it was pizza followed by a chocolate fondue and movies before retiring to sleep on the trampoline tent. While we hoped it wouldn't rain.

It didn't. They all slept well and continued the party in the morning with a pancake, breakfast and videos .

Thoughts

The thoughts in the mind of a paralysed body are different. The thoughts normally dealing with activities involving movement are replaced with the thoughts about people, events, unfinished tasks and regrets. This is my experience as I lie awake at all the hours of the night.

Now that Open Roads is launched I can let others take care of its' development. My focus needs to shift to outreach, I want to get every disabled person in the county excited and supportive. This is a far bigger challenge!

Today the sun is shining but its cool. Mozart Piano Sonata 11, in the background and tea and scones to look forward to are the ingredients of a good day.

I have children coming over to test a trampoline tent. I will try and get some work done beforehand.

I know I should not be doing this but I wanted to do something that wasn't just sitting around watching TV. In the absence of company this feels like I am not alone.

I have had my parents staying with me for a few weeks and they are really great people to have for company. Friends with everyone that happened to drop in and fitting into my life and plans and whatever I was doing.

I have struggled to work lately and this is largely due to posture which can result in an instant headache. This is difficult to explain and I am sick of comments from people who don't have a clue how constant pain and discomfort can tire one.

The Open Roads launch went OK however there were a few things I would change in hindsight. I managed to do my talk without significant problems. I had to adjust my time due to the time taken by other speakers. I was able to complete the talk without making a noticeable blunder and it went ok. I will put some photos up as soon as I get them from the photographer.

What kind of man are you anyway?

Can you keep going when hope is fading?
Can you hold on to your principles when you are trampled by your friends?
How do you believe in the future?

Depression has really sunk it's suppurating claws into my exposed skin. The poisonous trickle of infection spreads like volcanic lava, burning its' way into my mind. I don't mean to be so low but I am heavy with this burden.

I wake up in the dark and when the light comes I lie there still. Unmoving on the outside but sick and confused my poisoned mind races back and forth.

What kind of man starts a journey but wavers with hardship?

Cold Comfort

There is still snow on the ground. The air may be warming but the shade is not. This lack of urgency to begin to return to "normal " has been a strong sense in the overall temperament of the UK. Reluctant school teachers and needless to say, school children, hope that the days of winter would continue; as the hours edge closer to the half-term school break. The weather induced apathy may be snow induced, but the chilling financial crisis and the deepening gloom of recession forebodingly lurking in the background has a sense of fateful eeriness.

I too watch the slow, inevitable creep toward recession with bewildering unease as I contemplate my personal situation and that of my business and charity. The battle for survival in these harsh times is made even more pronounced by the current stage of the business and charity. The care training business (Aide de Vie) has a wonderful opportunity to capitalise on the trend toward more home-based care work and the ageing population with commensurate age related illnesses. We (Aide de Vie) are motivated to improve care quality by improving training quality. The government, distracted by financial gloom, speaks empty words and seeks only to lower expenditure. They do this through devolving responsibility for care to the end users who don't really appreciate the subtlety of care standards but only know the effects of poor quality care. This will eventually result in a slide of care standards and consequent "dumbing down" of the care industry.

As a person receiving 24hr care I am acutely aware of how my happiness and well-being are affected by the quality and professionalism of the person/s providing the care. The relationship is sensitive to the interaction of the care giver and care receiver This relationship is underpinned by knowledge. Knowledge needs to be gained through experience and training. Unless standards are enforced and monitored, professionalism will not result.

So Aide de Vie must succeed and must grow. It's a battle too big for 1 small startup and it needs a voice or supporter at a higher level in government.

Open Roads, our charity with the aim of "Changing the perception of disability " has an equally difficult task to establish itself in the current environment. Budgets are cut and charity is the first to suffer as we struggle on only on the strength of the active members.

Dancing in the snow

The waves wash over me, thoughts, feelings, regrets
Hope so elusive like the flash of sunlight off a a passing car.
Music is both comfort and tormenting feather
The sun shines bright on the remaining patch of snow
I am caught, trapped, by the body which once lived free
Mind Body and Spirit in a dance to the end.

Still beautiful snow

Snow in February?

Taken over the last 2 days these pictures show my garden and street under a white blanket. The last time I saw snow like this was in the Antarctic!

The road forward.

There are many choices we make in life. Some are good and some are bad. Choices made out of Fear, Obligation or Guilt often lead to results will are not in our best interests. I found I can live with a choice made for the right reason even if it means hardship and pain in the short term. After all physical pain has a beginning and end. Emotional pain can last for a lifetime.

I am in a wheelchair, paralysed below my neck with enough movement to press a button. I choose to go on each day even though the discomfort and pain are unbearable at times and leave me exhausted and on the verge of tears some days. I choose to go on though it is easier to rest and relax. It will not satisfy my soul to idle my time away. I can't do much but I will do what I can.

I am considering some post graduate studies and will be seeing dean of social science on Wednesday to explore possibilities.

If you have been following the fortunes Open Roads our charity. You will know from a a previous post (Christmas tipple) that Open Roads wants to change the perception of disability. We are planning to launch this charity to the community on the 7th April. If you would like to attend please write to info@openroads.org.uk In addition, please let me know if you can suggest a web designer who can help with a new website.

Oh yes take a peak at a view of my home through my Webcam see link on the link list to the right.

Catch up

Snap shot of my back garden from the lounge window. Overlooking the herb bed. In the background a trampoline and bird table. To the right a wooden deck with a BBQ just in the picture.

I am thinking about having a webcam set up to do streaming of video of this view. It will indicate the weather and state of the garden with each season.

I am alone this weekend. I have been doing a research report. I keep losing concentration and idle away the time. Its frustrating. I blame the posture in the chair, it takes so much effort to sit and work that I need to frequently stretch my back by trying to arch my back. When I do I sometimes cough, which shifts my position, and I have to start again. Now, where was I...?

This week I hope to meet with representatives of Northamptonshire University regarding doing post graduate research. I was thinking of doing some research into improving the quality of care and the performance of health and social care assistants. I believe that we could improve care greatly by developing the professionalism and career prospects of this uniquely equipped group of people.

Open Roads charity will be a new force in the world. We aren't going to improve life for people in all areas of and all abilities if we see them as set apart from others and therefore requiring a sympathetic nod as we go on with our day. I don't want sympathy. I don't want charity. I need help occasionally and I want real friendship. I have value to add. I see the world differently and I can help others to do the same. We will be launching the charity on the 7th April 2009 any body able to help with organising the event please contact me.

Irma la Douce

On Friday night I invited some friends for a snack and a very special movie. The 1963 version of "Irma la Douce" starring Shirley MacLlaine and Jack Lemmon. An academy award winner and recipient of many awards, the movie is a heartwarming comedy tale of a fresh idealistic policeman Nestor Pitou, who falls in love with a demure yet very alluring prostitute called Irma. It's a sweet story love, jealousy and life that is sure to make you smile.
Yesterday my 3 children came over and they were very tired so after a light snack and a movie we all went to bed.

At Christmas they took some pictures in B/W for framing. So I thought you may appreciate seeing how they have grown.
Anyway after many interruptions during this writing I have decided to "give in" and go for coffee.

I wasn't planning to write today but I have a few minutes before I need to go out to see a friend for his 50 th. Yes, my friend is 50 and I am only a few years behind. Time may pass us by but we enjoy what life has to offer.

I have regrets ,who doesn't but I realise that I only have the future. One can't get stuck in the "perfect past" because you will lose today. So hard to do and so important to remember as I get older.

Life may not be easy but I'll be dammed if I let it get boring by giving in to laziness.

Christmas past

The memory of Christmas, now 4 days old, is reduced to a warm comforting sense of a good time. After opening gifts and enjoying a cuppa and toast we prepared for a late lunch. We had a real feast. Gathered around the kitchen table in a comfortable squeeze we laughed and joked whilst drinking champagne and munching through a smoked salmon starter. Alan and Debbie made the numbers up to 7. The turkey was more than a match for our appetites and seemed hardly changed after we had done our best. We finished off with the traditional pud.

Christmas time spent with family and friends is special and apart from the occasional argument about the contents of a cracker or the whereabouts of some Christmas trinket; there was little negativity to dampen the mood. Instead light banter and laughter, seasoned with smiling eyes was the main course.

If you are following on from my last post; you will remember I was due to present the Open Roads charity to a county council member. It went well and I will aim to repeat the presentation at the council offices to a broader audience.

Christmas tipple

A neatly decorated Christmas tree, alongside the fireplace, and few presents scattered underneath are testament to the approach of Christmas day. I have little to say about the season, except to wish all a love filled time of giving.

The past year has been tumultuous. A year of dramatic developments and some poorly timed health problems. When I was newly injured I was told it would get easier each day. This is not the case. I know life is not meant to be easy. Any brief look at nature will show you how every part of nature has to toil and struggle against the being crushed. Why should we be different? Being a struggle does not preclude beauty and enjoyment. So enjoy every beautiful moment and remember struggle produces character.

These are not the sagacious words of a philosopher, although I been known for philosophical outbursts, instead I count them as hard won learning from the last 6 years of living with paralysis. You will have your own experience and your own lessons.

This year I have been involved in much. The most notable being the launch of a training company called Aide de Vie and a charity called Open Roads. On Monday I be presenting a short presentation on the goals and aims of Open Roads as we compete to win the opportunity to complete our main aim, to develop and run a centre that will meet the needs of people struggling with a physical or mental disability.

We represent a new approach to viewing "disability". Not as as an inability but a different ability. The label "disabled" is no different the apartheid description of people as "non-white". Aside from the the negative implications of the word, it can't be right to describe someone by reference to what they are not! Otherwise women would be non-male and children non-adults. We (society) need to rethink our use of the language before it inadvertently shapes our world. The following posters are examples of the paradigm shift we are going to promote.

So raise your glasses to Open Roads this Christmas and celebrate our different abilities.

Sunday Sojourn

I am having a lazy day today. I woke up at 8:30 and took time to get going. After a shower I was ready to face the world. I received a very welcome phone call from my mom and it was nice to catch up about the family in SA.

Unlike the warm weather in SA, it's icy cold here and the frost doesn't look like shifting in a hurry.

It is rapidly approaching Christmas and tomorrow is the 1st December. I hope you are planning a good time. I expect many will be "cutting back" after the excess we have seen in previous years. This is not a bad thing. For too long we (the 1st world) have squandered our wealth. Investing in a "throw away" lifestyle. Never building a tomorrow but living to the "max". The carousel stopped turning but for some there are no other rides. Many are going to suffer this Christmas and I believe it will be worse in 2009. As I have budgeted and planned for the reminder of the year I have prepared my family for drastic reductions in all areas.

I support a group providing food parcels to pensioners in Zimbabwe and I am saddened and concerned about the plight of these poor people hanging on to life whilst the country leadership quarrel about who sits where at the banquet of political power. Read this November report.

You can support the work directly, if you prefer I am collecting money in the UK and will arrange payment.

A life of Prime

We get on with our lives. We develop little fillers, supports or mechanisms to make it through the day. Some days are easier than others, some we barely have the strength for as we take to bed earlier than usual. This is the modern world. This is the way. To live our lives to the full.

Is life not meant to be a struggle? Do not the plants and animals fight daily for their survival? Where does it end? I know it well, this way is very familiar. It is well trodden and my footsteps are deep imprints on the earth.

What I have learned is not to be too serious about it and to enjoy the love of others when you can. Each day becomes a week, which becomes a month and then a year. Soon you notice your world has changed and you don't know where it went. This is the modern way. We live our lives at full speed in order that we can slow down one day and begin to enjoy it. So we give away our most vital years to have enjoyment when we are less able.

Lest we forget

Remembrance Day

Why do we say, "Lest we forget"?

Before you read on think about that for second...

STOP and THINK, if you can ask others this question, I would be interested in the responses that you get.

OK.


So, Why do we say, "Lest we forget"?

To be nostalgic and remember the suffering of those men (on both sides) who fought and died in tragic, un-imaginable, torturous circumstances?

To remember their bravery and heroism is right and honorable but there is more to it than that.

We made a promise after the Great War. A promise we break and will continue to break.

Our promise was to learn from that experience and not to repeat it.

We have not only broken this promise as world governments, we break it ourselves, every year. You break it, I break it and so does the rest of the world. But how do we break it?

We look at the past, we muse and sigh at the hopeless suffering and death, at the depravity of needless suffering for the things that the men in the Great War, were fighting over. Our nostalgia is matched by the appreciation for and the bewilderment, at their sacrifice.

Were you against the war in Iraq? Yes of course you were, until it started. Once it started the excitement and fascination with military took over and objections faded. You were caught up, like everyone else, watching TV for every update.

Now, we are angered at the atrocities, the beheadings, suicide bombers, the children dying in Fallujah while Coalition "Smart Bombs" and insurgent mortars obliterate the buildings and infrastructure that sustains them.

So what's different to 1914?

Why do we need the past? The past is history and for your life, you might say, "I don't do post mortems". Think, before you move forward.

Soldiers and sufferers say they would love to forget the war, but can't. But we can, we were never there. We do forget, even with our posters, movies, ceremonies and tattoos. We forget, we forget the promise we made. To forget is to avoid or ignore. A missed chance to learn and grow.

We need the past. We need to remember the past and to do what makes us uniquely human, to learn from our failure.

You cannot change the way Governments and leaders react, never mind be responsible for it. But, you are responsible for yourself. You can change yourself and your behaviour during the events and conflict in your own life and teach your children to do the same. For this you are uniquely responsible.

So remember the war, but don't honour their memory by only being hushed and nostalgic, be constructive with your past and change your future and your children's future, this is the true honour they deserve. For when you see those men and others again, you can stand proud and say, "Thank you I never forgot, I changed my life."

In this way we honour the dead.

In this way, we make our lives the offering to their memory. Not some plastic wreath, or cardboard poppy. A living example of what they taught us.


Let us honour the fallen and "Learn from our past".

You will not understand that I can't find the time to keep my posts to this site up to date. I may have free time but I am not physically able to work comfortably and consequently don't achieve a work rate to keep my mind from wandering. This is very boring and dissatisfying and I lose interest in life and work.

I had a relatively productive week and with Liz's help we have sent out 100 brochures about the business and we will be following up this week with a phone call to each company.

It was my birthday on Friday. Thank you all for the cards, texts, phone calls etc ( those who really love me gave me gifts. ha) Anyway I had a great day and stopped work at 3pm to prepare a roast for the kids and Colleen for dinner.

Today Alex will be over to watch Liverpool vs Chelsea. I am a member of the local social club which will be showing the match. Now I need to go and have a coffee before they arrive.

Catch up

It is a warming sunny day. Temperature is around 19 degrees but should get to 20,21 later. We have had a succession of low pressure systems rolling in from the north west bringing cold rain.

I reaped most of my vegetables but I am still harvesting raspberries, salad leaves and corn. I will be planning my winter crops soon.

I was fortunate to have the assistance of a new PA called Liz. We work well together and I hope it works out.

Open Roads charity work is keeping us busy and we had a full day meeting on Saturday trying to keep up with all that needs to be done.

Went to see John last in the afternoon (Sunday) and drank some wine and chatted to some delightful friends of his. He reaped some vegetables from his allotment and garden which we had for dinner, potatoes, sweetcorn and sundries. I wasn't happy with my helper, he was on the phone throughout, coming off briefly to give me a peanut or two and snatch a handful for himself, before disappearing. I now have to address this before it continues.

Time the destroyer

A day, a week, becomes a year and time keeps ticking, advancing relentlessly. I have not been up to my goal to regularly publish my thoughts and experiences. My only defence i the weakness in my body to release my thoughts from the all consuming struggle against the pain and discomfort. Don't get me wrong my pain is minor compared to many who struggle against debilitating agony. So without further delay.

Angela came in to be my assistant. We worked well together and I broadened my ideas and goals to take into account some of the new skills she brought with her. Last weekend however she decided it was more important to be with her boyfriend in Canada and she flew off today. So I start again to search for a suitable PA.

Take a look at the Aide de Vie website and let me know what comments you have.

My car went into the workshop for a test of the battery and system, but they can't find any problems, so its back to square one. I will now rig up a system to plug it into when not in use everyday.

Battle against it

I write today, not really having intended to do so. My mind wanders around the events of the last weeks and I now realise to do it justice a full and proper account of the time would take a day. So, instead I will be brief and just do a flavour.

Needless to say there is no sign of Valentino and I have given up hoping he will be returned.

Aide de Vie is still advancing and it can be very stressful trying to balance the various interactions and conflicts, that arise along the way. This is a process and the birth pain will be replaced by a post natal depression. It is tough but I love it.

My new PA, Angela, has fitted in very well and is well liked by all. She has just finished putting the finishing touches to our brochure so next week we start printing.

Open Roads has applied for a £66k grant, if we secure that we can start to activate our plans.

If you get a chance, get the DVD "Instinct", starring Anthony Hopkins as a scientist who takes on the life of the gorillas he is study in Rwanda. Revealing to the way we think in the modern world.

Fresh Bread

Still no news of Valentino, I can't see that I will find him now. There has been 1 phone call, in response to my notices, some teenager playing around "looking for a bird". Well good luck to him,I say. All the birds in my life have flown.

I have a busy week ahead. Angela, my new assistant, arrives on Monday afternoon. She will board with me until she finds accommodation. I am looking forward to getting to be more productive.

I have not been in good spirits lately. My heart is heavy and my outlook (normally positive) is dim and depressed. I know that my life is very limited and loneliness will be with me, but it is very difficult to live with the gnawing emptiness.

I invited my neighbours over yesterday for home made chicken soup and fresh baked bread. We had a good evening.

Lost

I am heartbroken with the loss of my friend Valentino. As a friendly cockatiel I may be lucky to get him back. I have put notices up and posted leaflets around. There's a small chance he will be found and I can only hope I have done enough to get him back.

The weather in these parts is poor again. It hasn't been the best summer. Despite the weather I have had a reasonable crop of vegetables and yesterday I gave the children a big roast meal with fresh garden vegetables. We ate outside in the conservatory and had a pleasant afternoon.

Quiet has descended as the children left early. I am catching up on one or 2 e-mails before I go outside to the conservatory to read. (it's a holiday today)

Memories and Musings

Sunny Sunday morning with wintery chill in the summer sun. My mind wanders to home, to youth, to easier times when life was simpler and my struggle was simply to grow up. I had a Facebook contact with a school friend from my younger days. I only spent 4 years in Empangeni but I remember my friends often. Many have joined Facebook and my mind gets dragged back in to the memories with every contact.

I had a Skype message from my mother today and she tells me they had some things stolen from the garage. Yes, it is upsetting to have someone unknown violate your space but what can you do? They maybe needed the things more after all.

My children have been away for 2 weeks, on holiday with Colleen and her boyfriend. I think the gap in my life and the total sense of isolation brought about through this paralysis adds to a feeling of abandonment. My world is insular now. From being outgoing and extrovert I am become reserved introspective. I hesitate to say brooding and melancholy but I wonder if this is the next stage? I don't go quietly into this state, I am a firm believer and I have faith in a purpose for all that has happened. I won't go timidly into the night, but I will fight against the fading of the light. Help me.

I have a big burn on my hand from a hot tea spill and Valentino (cockatiel) seems wary of it. He gave it a nibble but I think the smell of antiseptic puts off. He loves listening to music and climbs down from shoulder and clambers onto my desk displaying juvenile clumsiness before stomping all over my keyboard. I had to delete what he wrote, for fear of offending someone or falling fowl (hee hee) of Google decency rules.

I went to our new offices on Friday and it looks good we should be kicking off some courses soon. We desperately need to get the cash in.

Life in the "summer sun"

Life in the UK can be fantastic when the sun shines. Except that it is so elusive and keeps hiding behind the clouds. Some days have been good and some pictures out in my back garden .

In Eddie's place (a little patio surrounded by vegetable beds)you can easily pick cabbage carrots, parsnip,tomato, rocket, lettuce, beans, corn, basil and sorrel.

Coming off the deck

The apple tree (behind me, out of the frame) is laden with apples and I hope the corn follows suit.

Valentino watching me work.

View of the back garden with the herbs to the right of the trampoline

For those who have asked about the chair it has been serviced and adjusted and it is better but still not right. I have developed poor posture and I can't work out what the problem is. Thank you all for the kind words and concern.

Desperation

If you are a regular reader you will notice the tone a the shortening of my posts. I have struggled to be in the chair and the constant fight is playing tricks with my focus and concentration. This is very debilitating and I am in a bad mood most of the time. I have so much to do and I keep getting further behind.

I need a replacement for my PA, Linda. It pays well and I need someone ASAP any suggestions?

Feathered friend

I can't write too much today. I am having problems in the chair and I won't last long in this position. Try it for yourself sometime, deliberately sit badly, then imagine your are unable to move. Now see how long you last.

Anyway, enough of the problems, I want you to meet my friend. He is 10 weeks old and just discovering his world. His name is Valentino (after Valentino Rossi). He is hand reared i.e. completely tame and totally unafraid of humans. He should learn to talk but I am a bad teacher because I hardly speak!

Lonely post

Today is the day I write. Regular readers will have noticed the paucity of postings lately. I could explain why, however you will have to forgive my deep level of introspection. My mood plummeted recently as I faced the realisation that I cannot be a good advocate for myself. I will always develop strong arguments to get others represented and justice, but I have an inability to put forward myself ahead of others in situations which are about the work I do. This relies on people knowing me or being similarly inclined. This unlikely circumstance therefore doesn't occur and consequently I will enter a very lonely place where my feeling of separation from others is deepened.

Some nights are long. Lately the nights have become anguished hours of restless discomfort. Peace of mind and a restful sleep are a blessing.


We are busy with the launch of a new business. I developed a presentation which we (Simon and I) are presenting to different potential clients. Our success will depend on the interest we arouse and the level of customer need. To give you an idea of the company image I have placed a copy of our logo and strap line for you. Our key point of differentiation is our commitment to care quality and the care givers professional status. In addition 40% of our board are disabled.
I will need a new assistant as Linda will be talking on new duties with Aide de Vie. Please can someone with computer skills and a good telephone manner apply.

Busy times

It's been a busy week with 2 busy weeks to go. We are promoting the new business, Aide de Vie to care and nursing companies. The response has been good and I think our obvious enthusiasm and our fresh approach are having an influence.

Work on the charity has slowed as we seek to register and establish the foundation. Our first big project will most likely be a symposium. We will use the occasion to create discussion and awareness whilst raising support.

I have the kids here today. Last night we had a small BBQ and watched a video. We had fun and I missed not seeing them for the last 2 weeks.

My son went to a school function. A bunch of them hired a limo for the occasion.

Customer care? Are you joking! ?

The last 2 weeks have been a blur. I have helped my son with his final physics paper. I have had back to back meetings for the new company, Aide de Vie and the charity Open Roads. We held a workshop for 25 people and on Friday this culminated in a barbeque for 25 + at my house. After a "quiet" weekend with the children it was back to work.

My PA, Linda, is in France for 3 weeks and I am sharing my office with 2 fellow directors also in wheelchairs. It is busy but it is a good type of busy.

If there is anyone who is wheelchair bound you may sympathise with with my experiences. My wheelchair is not comfortable and there is not a day where I don't struggle to be in the chair. I have been advised to have a day in bed. I hate being stuck in bed. It is so boring. I always say, "I will sleep when I am dead!" To my mind I haven't got time to waste.

My problems in the wheelchair have been worse in the last few months and I finally resorted to resolving the problem. Once identified you would think the rest is easy. I never bargained for the service I would receive from Balder UK. They came for a consultation 4 weeks ago and I received the quote a week ago after numerous phone calls e-mails. The quote was incomplete and I am still waiting for the correct response. It seems that customer care doesn't concern them.

As if this wasn't bad enough my bed broke on the weekend and I am having a tough time getting it fixed. My normally restless sleep is now twice as bad.

So that is it. I need to go and write another letter to Balder UK.

Feeling Sound

The Scouse tribe from Liverpool have a word to describe when something, someone or a personal state that is good or positive. For example when describing a meal just consumed or a brother's friend, they might use the adjective "sound" to show positivity or approval.

Well, Feeling Sound Musiclab in this example is more literal and is the name of a website for an initiative to expand our skills in listening to and engaging with music. It was developed by musicians and music psychologists and you can take part in an experiment on the site. It's a fun test and quite interesting so if you have time, give it a go.

The emotional ride of life

The kids are here. They arrived last night. A story that hides many hidden emotions lies beyond the the events of their arrival.

Saturday. The e-mails from our client/fellow director begin to arrive I see that they are mostly about a meeting between the new Training company and our first client. The e-mails are also being picked up by Linda (also working from her home) . Pretty soon we decide we will need to discuss this and get together. I phone Colleen about the possibility that Linda could pick up the kids on her way.

I got a definite "no", because of other plans. So Linda duly arrives and we do the work. I do what I can and start dinner for the kids and guests. A simple meal of egg-fried rice and a sausage sauce. Now initially Colleen did indicate she would join the dinner but on arrival and seeing Linda's car, she stayed in the car. She wasted little time dropping the kids and left before the doors had closed.

I live in this world. Distorted by resentment, anger and unforgiveness. The hidden rocks that sink unwary canoes are noticeable by a small rise in the water. The complex navigation of river rapids is made more tricky by the hidden rocks. They will eventually erode with time and the constant flow. Sometimes you have to collide with them to shift them, to roll them away.

I have wrecked many a canoe on the rocks of resentment and still, some will not shift. They are not ready.

Growing Garden

Some pictures for those interested. My garden is 50% there.

Herbs

Strawberries and Raspberries

Beans Garlic and Salad

Rosemary , more salad leaves and potatoe

Potatoe and cabbage

Power, PC and People

If any regular readers missed the update last week, that will be because there wasn't one. There wasn't one because I had no PC for a few hours as the power supply broke down and I had to take it in for a replacement. A scary moment. But its OK now. Phew, a device which holds such a prominent place in your life can make you realise how repetitive your day to day routine has become.

I spend many hours in front of the dual screens I have setup in my office. Since being made redundant (or early retirement) because of my disability, I have tried to keep busy. I will never understand the logic of a company that expects and gets your loyalty and commitment but, when circumstances change there is little return of this. Let me explain, companies are made up of people, policies and rules don't count for much ,unless the people in positions of authority apply them. If you are rewarded in one circumstance a change of authority can see you passed over or even ejected. So you can move from having value to having no value. I did when I was disabled. Not immediately. No, I was given loads of support through people in position to do so. When they changed I realised I was finished, my value was zero and I was shown the back door and never mentioned again.

So now I have a small business and I am helping setup a charity for disabled people to improve their lives and also setting up another business doing training for the people who care for the disabled.

So now to the more important stuff... What about fun? Well my fun is doing things to keep busy, my children and my garden.

Anti-virus elections and life

Its a warm'ish Saturday morning. I sit here listening to some oldies, Diana Ross and the Supremes for the curious amongst you, and feeling a little bit mellow. I will often use my blog to reflect on the week passed. I will keep up this tradition and use the time to update you on my solo existence in this wheelchair.



How about this for interest to those who have a PC. This was featured on The Gadget Show recently. I always struggle with anti-virus software, Norton too slow and cumbersome, AVG OK,and so on. Now there is Yoggie. This isn't software. Its a PC you the size of a USB and it intercepts your internet traffic. In fact it even replaces your PC's IP address with its own! And because its hardware it can't be corrupted!


Do you know anything about Zimbabwe? Although the elections have been in the news, the plight of many is ignored. I have family living there and I made enquiries about getting supplies to them. My dad came across this chap who takes supplies up to various people on a merry mission. I have decided I would like to make a regular donation and to ask people up there to distribute supplies to local needy people. If anyone is interested in doing something give me your e-mail and I will put you in contact with this chap and the charity.


There's some strange behaviour being exhibited by the finches. Dude and Fawkes are making a nest. This would be normal but for the impression we had that they were both male!Dude is obviously male.Fawkes doesn't exhibit some of the typical male markings. If you know anything about Zebra finches, please let me know what to do!

For a little insight into the life of a man with a life checked from the pursuits of career, pleasure and material comfort you will need more insight than I am able to reveal in the musings of this blog. I do try to make it a conversation between you and me, I hope you will see fit to enter into the discussion.

Some images to help you,

My apple tree, with its spring frock of blossoms.













A view of my house from the vegetable garden










My raised vegetable garden.