I had some fun today looking for a suitable "eye" to use for my logo.With the name Consumer Insight, I have to use an eye, don't eye?

Objective: find a picture with a strong gaze that draws your attention.

Some ideas so far:(please feedback your preferences in to the comments)
a)


b)


c)


d)


e)


f)


g)




h)

I had a visitor today. One of the health assistants from hospital. She had brought her children and I felt a distinct, yet somehow absurd, feeling that it was not my social company but a little more that was on the agenda...

I had some good news today about my care and Social Services have decided to canc a £4000 bill for 1 month of care, phew! (I was initially quite disturbed by this but eventually just decided "Que Sera", what will be will be, afterall what good is faith if you don't get to exercise it!

I haven't had the normal barrage of comments from the hecklers,I hope you are still there? !

As the weekend draws nearer I need to begin thinking about the way it will progress. Monday is a bank holiday (public holiday). I will probably have Alex over on Saturday night and we will have some time to discuss things like football, school etc. He is a polite, quiet lad but can get very animated about football and his team, Liverpool.

I decided to sell some shares and buy the exercise machine for my arms and legs. Its a huge outlay at this time and it will be worth it if it can give me some improvement. I long to be able to lift my arms again.


Well here's a picture and I'll see you next time....

Hi all I have been wanting to write for ages but things kept getting in the way. On the weekend it was my kids which I like to devote my time towards. I am also working with a new carer. Nice girl from New Zealand, but I have explained its a 2 week trial so she will be doing her best. I vowed I would not employ any female carers but I had no choice due to timing.

So looking at consultancy, I know its going to be tough and I don't want to get into anything just to earn a living so I have to constantly remind myself that. I will do anything that involves innovative consumer insight that opens new doorways to consumer products or marketing. I reckon most products or services suffer from a lack of understanding about the relationship with the consumer. I am going to trade as "Ladwig Consumer Insight " so I am looking to do a website with the name www.ladwig.co.uk/consumer insight/. Any web designers out there?

OK here's another thing, I need to train the old body if I want to get better. So I am looking at the Thera-vital a device that provides assistance to you and will adjust to your ability. It can exercise arms and legs. Here's the catch, it costs £3745 in the UK. So here we go...

Since being back I have kept busy with all my systems to get them working optimally. I haven't forgotten my promise to tell you more about my hospital "adventure ".

Stoke Mandeville is a big hospital,spreading out over several blocks along Mandeville Road in Aylesbury. The Spinal section has played a key role in its development. Arriving back after 2.5 years was a mixture of feelings. I remembered the good relationships I had forged with patients and staff. I remembered my arrival from Germany by sky ambulance and the room I had for 3 weeks before I moved. I remembered not eating or talking for 6 months. Nurses became friends. Linda visited daily and spent the day with me.Which was my only communication with the world, she was my voice. It was a battle for her as she was fighting breast-cancer and the effects of treatment. When it became too much and the experience finally took its toll her visits reduced. The memory left is a feeling of loneliness and frustration.

Don't misunderstand me. I found a way to smile and beguile my way into many hearts to help me with the emptiness and isolation. I was never fulfilled or happy during my stay but I was driven by a fierce independence that enabled me to leave before it became too difficult. So often patients are drawn in to the life and routine so that to leave is too difficult.

I met a great doctor on this trip. He is my consultant, Mr Dennis Newton,from South Africa! So its not all bad.

I'm back! After 1 week at Stoke Mandeville Hospital I discharged myself. I was tested for the hospital bug,MRSA and came up positive. This required me to be isolated and have reduced access to therapy. So I decided it was better to leave.

Let's talk about the NHS for a moment. How do they manage to take a working formulae and make such a mess of it?Take Stoke Mandeville Spinal Unit. It was once the premier site for spinal treatment in the world. Now it lags behind what other countries offer and struggles to get anywhere. I sat in a patients forum on Thursday night listening to the debate. It stinks. The way we manage hospitals now is like putting the companies secretary in charge! Everything is all teas and toilets or to put it another way, its like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Well I must dash. I have much to organise, now that I'm back. I will write again about Doctors Nurses and hospital, but for now thanks for all your wishes and support.

In all my life have I ever felt so disconnected. The world, people and all I hold dear and important, seems distant and unreachable. Even my own body is a stranger to me now.

My somber mood must not not be mistaken for a melancholy attack. I give you real thoughts and feelings from some nasty, scary places.

Yesterday the virus I have been battling all week, gave a huge lunge forward. By lunch time I was in bed. Fever set in and I spent the afternoon in a shivering pool of sweat.I fell into an exhausted sleep by 9pm.

I feel better today but I have to feel better because I pack for Stoke Mandeville Hospital and I need to be clear minded.

OK I give up who is the "bundu basher"? (annonymouse comment yesterday)

I do like a bit of banter and enjoy comments, but let me say, my garden is not a bundu. Just a few weeds (I was told that weeds were good for the butterflies.) Anyway my lawn is like the Sahara!

Carmen comes over today. She is bringing her bike to get fixed. I am looking forward to it.On Tuesday she is taking a few friends out for her birthday (a late party).

I need a financial backer or partner to help me get a big idea for thought control of devices going. I have identified an invention that needs exploitation. It's big. Imagine dialing your phone without touching it or speaking or even moving.

It's a great day today. After thunderstorms and rain last night. Yesterday I took a short trip up my back lawn. Its always a trip for me and the wheelchair bumps and shakes all the way. To me it can be quite a ride, often stressful and painfull, but I have to see my plants and get out of the house. When I return, my wheels are full of mud and I leave a mud trail around the round the house.

Friday already! Eek! 2 more weeks before my hospital stay. I will have to step up my preparation.

Did a Google search on my name for fun. Don't we all do it? Came up with loads of info about people with the same family name in the USA. A branch of our family must have gone to America and some to Africa. Disappointing, only 3 references to me! So much for vanity!

OK, moto gp fans I will be with you all to watch the race at Laguna Seca. (Thanks for the reminder Brian) Who's your money on? Rossi is really storming along and the rest of the field is all over the place. I support Sete Gibernau but he's having another bad year on Ducati. Come on Sete.

So it's Tuesday, blistering hot by most standards and promises to get worse. Yesterday it was over 35 degrees and today will be worse. My attention is focused on getting my future both short and long term, sorted out. I want to make good use of my time in hospital and not waste it. At the same time I am trying to sort out my future after Unilever.

My vegetable garden is doing OK in the heat but needs regular watering. The grass is virtually dead with the heat and lack of rain.

Phew! Its hot in the office. Screens radiate a huge wack of heat. I don't know if you are aware, normal tetraplegia (or quadraplegia) has a side effect which results in the body's normal temperature response (shivering or sweating) unable to respond to the conditions. Typical tetraplegics don't feel sensation either. Thankfully I don't suffer these problems but to I still overheat because half my body is insulated by the chair.

OK so here's the "thing", I am going into hospital for August. It's just some extra rehabilitation, physiotherapy and stuff, to check out my abilities after 4 years. I want to do it but... I have bad memories of hospital and aside from all the boring aspects of lying around waiting for a nurse and sharing your space while hoping for an hour of the physio's time. Yes aside from all this hospital increases my sense of loneliness and isolation.

Now moving on, that comment in the previous blogg woke me up. Always have I felt that I adapt well to change. I must be getting lazy or old or both. I have not been able to make decisions. I keep looking for someone to say it's OK.

So I have started putting together my business outline for a consultancy. I thought if I started, it will help to put the mind straight. If anyone knows about setting up a consultancy type business please let me know.

Midweek. Sunny weather and promises to be a hot day. I was ill last night. Tummy trouble. I haven't had that for awhile and I don't like it. I would sooner stop eating than go through that ever.

As my time with Unilever will end soon and a new chapter begins I have been pondering the option open to me. I am going to start a consultancy on innovation and consumer research. I have to use the last 20 years of learning for something!

Seeing a specialist in brain injuries this afternoon to talk about my injury and treatment.

Thank you for encouraging words and feedback it helps a great deal.

I'm not very motivated to do much lately. It is taking ages to do this post.

Kids came over yesterday and we all went to the see the new Pirates of the Carribean. A fun movie with lots of good effects but a weak plot and ending which seems to set up a sequel.

I watched Oscar Wild's "An Ideal Husband ". I enjoyed that and found some of the cameos very moving. The story is about truth, love and honour.

Ok ,I am struggling to write both physically and emotionally so I am just going to try later.

It has been amazing weather here, very hot and dry. My mood has fluctuated and I feel overwhelmed by the sheer weight of all the issues, some big and others small.

I had Ruth and Alex over and they had lots of fun playing around in the sun with the hose and a plastic sheet they use as a slide. England's early departure from the world cup would normally throw Alex into a negative mood. We went outside and he made a perfect barbeque, which gave him a more positive outlook.

Friday night was great.Took a good friend to Nando's in Milton Keynes. Extra-hot Peri peri.Great!

I need to reflect on Thursday. Went to a lunch for Ian Norton, a good friend and colleague. He is one of the most successful scientists/inventors Unilever has left and the work he didn't seem to be valued anymore. So we disposed of 25+ years of experience and productive potential.

I am on the same disposal path and will be unemployed in January. Its just another challenge amidst all the others.

The day started normally. V overslept. I usually like to start at 6.30 am in order to be in my office by 9.00am. Yes I know, that is an horribly long time. That's what it takes. I listen to the radio and try to think about my day. Yes, I am partially brain dead by the time I get there.

It's not a bad day today. Cold and windy but sunny.

I am trying to work on 2 ideas if you have any thoughts let me know:
1. A network of innovative people from various disciplines (science,health, psychology, market, marketing etc) The purpose is to discuss developments and trends and to solve any problems we consider worthwhile. These can be of any nature, I'm interested in disability aids (I have invented a few) and new product development.
2. Creativity. Business is generally obsessed with creativity but useless at doing it. The techniques like "brainstorming" and consumer groups are used inappropriately. Ideas are incremental and static. I want to change this.

Look I gotta go and do some work. Write to me if you have thoughts about the above positive or negative...

The tension from Friday's meeting weighs heavily on me. Friday and Saturday night were sleepless. I sat my electric powered bed up to overcome the tension in my shoulders and neck. I listened to the radio, I tried the TV, without glasses (I didn't think it fair to wake up Lawrence for my glasses!) nothing seemed to work. How could I recover from this news? Always expected, always concious of my vulnerability, it feels like my paralysis is complete. Or will I lose my powered wheelchair and house next? The life I have been at such care to construct is collapsing. My children depend on me and so much else hangs on me getting up and starting again. Hearing words of rejection from people who represent the company I was so proud to work for, is like falling off the roof of your house. Hurt and winded you struggle to call for help.



I had to ask my children to leave on Sunday as I was too tired and tense. They had come to bring me some Father's Day gifts and cards.

The day passed without further incident.

This link came to me from Fiona in France. It should lift your eyes from your own difficulties.

As I sit here, at the end of the day, the lengthening shadows streching out to draw in the night. I have mixed feelings of peace and sadness. The emotion not matured but bubbling through my concious is beginning to tell the tale. I am always concious about the irrefutable logic that my injuries are simply the result of an accident. My heart believes a purpose and some test underly this sobering nightmare. The gripping hope, that, there may be some good to come of this suffering daily grind. Hope is like a candle and it can brighten the darkness and chase away the choking black of loneliness.

Can I hope? Is the futility of hope a lost cause? I don't know. I know once I lose hope, I am drowned in the darkness. So I cling to a hope, not a grand hope to regain my health and former life. No. A hope that a purpose and challenge will reveal itself. To retreat now, would be defeat.

I have 5-10% of the capacity and strength of a healthy individual but enough drive for 3 lives. This may leave me at a deficit but I want to use my little strength to make a difference. My children are the immediate priority. Finding new ways to reach out and show them I love them and to teach them to love and accept themselves...

Now the World Cup dominates the TV here and easily draws one into moment. I might just catch the 2nd half of the Poland Germany game. I can't take sides. Both countries have fathered good friends to me.

Well its a new, hot, and bright Saturday. So not a day of slouching in front of a computer. So I won't be here too long!

Yesterday I was meant to attend a check up appointment at Stoke Mandeville Hospital in Aylesbury. Well I had a phone call earlier in the week from Colleen to tell me that the Friday afternoon was Sports day at the girls school. So I cancelled my appointment and went to the school instead. It was a hot and enjoyable. I never saw Carmen's event (Javelin) unfortunately but Ruth did races and shot put which I managed to see. I couldn't stay for the festivities after but it looked good.

It was the 4th aniversary of my accident on Thursday. I am now 4 years old in this new body. Each stage has its own challenges. At no time have I thought ah, this is ok now, I can relax.
I still want to sing and talk effortlessly.
I want a hug that I can participate in with my arms,
I want to write and lie on the couch reading,
I want to walk on the lawn without shoes,
...

Yesterday, as I looked around at the children all doing there thing, I remembered an overwhelming aspect about myself at that age. I was a strong, stocky lad,not athletic and didn't enjoy these Olympian frolics. I never really felt that there was a point really, I preferred tennis and rugby. I also realised ,whilst remembering this, that I always thought that if I wanted to I could eventually do it. Whatever "it"was. I don't feel like that anymore, but most concerning is that I now do what I think I can do. No dreams about travelling around Europe on a bike, I dread the complications of a weekend away.