The extended warm season continues. Today is warm (15 deg) and best of all sunny. We set the clocks back so an extra hour in bed today. I'm going to update you on the last 3 days.

Friday was expected to be warm and sunny but after deciding to go boating the weather clouded over and remained at a measely 12 degrees with a nasty breeze. Not to be put-off I went ahead with my plan and went boating. Alan works as a ranger at this great reservoir.So he arranged a wheelchair boat and we set off for some fishing and boating. It was great! An experience I never anticipated having in a wheelchair. I include a few pics to give you a glimpse of the fun, brrr...






Yesterday I remembered I had invited the kids over for a roast beef. So after getting up, went shopping, bought a roast and sundries, came back and started preparing. Well it was great we sat around,laughing, joking and enjoying the company and the bond we share.

I had a good birthday yesterday.I woke up in a bad state and took awhile to recover. I constantly find myself having to put up with moody people. Nobody is moody all the time, I am seldom moody. I do however, get depressed or low. I seldom let this be felt outside of me.But I can't stand rude,moody behaviour. If its never discussed or made reference to it becomes a shroud and shadows then suspiciously hang over the good bits. Whilst you pause any further involvement till you understand... This can effect intimate relationships clearly, but not being in one for years I now report, with authority, that it affects all other relationships as well.

My children and Colleen came over yesterday with some lovely well thought out gifts. Those kids are really special and have such lovely personalities. All I ever wanted for my children was that they would be happy in their own skins. To accept themselves with love and forgiveness.

Its late and I am tired. I struggle to keep going these days. I just have to keep going.

Ecademy has occupied my brain today as I try to get myself geared up for business. The idea is to network and market myself using the web. Takes a lot of time, but you get to e-meet many people.
My domestic situation is a mess with care arrangements all over the place. I hope I can get it sorted, but it gets to you to deal with this all over again.

River

I slip
I slide
I drift on a liquid streams
Weightless
Helpless but relaxed
Immersed not wet - not cold
Passing scenes interrupt

Desert

Soft, trickling, smooth, cool, sand
volcanic, unyielding, jagged rocks
juxtaposed
meaningless?

Fragments of unconscious dreams that I remember from my months after the accident when I began to awake after a few weeks.

I had to get these down to stop them. I constantly try to find meaning and some hope by understanding them. There are others, these are uniquely sensorical and words cannot capture the memory of how they feel. Reminders like a glimpse of soft, smooth skin, a shoulder or a cheek raised by a smile, can bring back dream.

Well either the antibiotics are working or I was recovering, I feel a lot better. Apart from the occasional cough, full recovery is eminent. Thanks to you all for your wishes and encouragement.

My meeting today was a real shocker as I was told that my understanding of the offer to me was worse than I thought and I now have to make my mind up. This puts a lot more pressure on me and I am very nervous now. OK, the good news is Jemma came to see me with work. This piece of work may just get me started on a positive note. Thanks Jem you have been a gem.

Antibiotics appear to be working but give me the runs... 'nuff said.

If you have joined in my LinkedIn network or ecademy, I would love to hear what you think. I think our future will be dominated by these virtual networks of real people. Clearly a great tool for people to manage this typically, informal structure. If you wanna join or check it out go to the links on the rhs.

Its day 3 now of antibiotics.I had a visit from the doctor on Friday and found out I had now developed bronchitis. Not serious yet. So after 2 full days of antibiotics I have a slight improvement.

I picked up Ruth yesterday. We went to a local pub for a drink and I secretly hoped we would catch the Liverpool match. No such luck. Ruth enjoyed herself and sat opposite me and nattered away like a cascading waterfall. We were talking about smoking and drinking and it was intresting to hear her opinion. She has some very strong opinions and is adamant that she "will never do these". Although at 10 years we might all say this, she has the character to actually stick with it. I remember when the kids were small (3 or 4), I would play role play games. With Ruth I would say "You be Dad and I'll be you ". She wouldn't do it. Instead insisting, she was Ruth and I was Dad. Very sweet, and this characteristic for correctness is still there today.

I was so encouraged by the comments in the last entry. Thanks all!

Let me tell you about the last few days. (What I can make sense of, at any rate.. ) Well I have been at my worst level of illness since leaving hospital 2 years ago. In fact, yesterday I was so bad I stayed in bed for the day. I haven't done this for ages, because I hate lying in bed. So unable to sleep for days now I hoped to catch up. No such luck! I just lay there like the last few nights, alternating between hot and cold and sneezing.

On top of this I have had temporary carers. Trying to direct my care and think about the appropriate treatment for my cold whilst weak, disheartened and exhausted was hard to do. This is the price for living alone and being so independent.

I am due to go into meeting with HR in the next few days. I think it's my final meeting (by the tone of the letter). I am disappointed by the sourness. I have always been a faithfull employee and my cautiousness and nervousness has been met by suspicion and resentment. I have accepted my redundancy and simply wish to proceed carefully.

Phew! Eeaaargh!*@&*! What a fight to keep going in the last few days. I have been physically drained by the effects of my cold/MRSA combination. It feels OK some days but then flares up with a vengence. The result is sneezing,spluttering and violent movements in the chair. I can't control this and it stops work for 10 minutes while recovery and clean-up are progressed.

Thanks for encouraging me to write today, I would not have had the strength.

I am onto my 3rd carer in 3 days. The last 2 are temporarily filling in but without proper training of my specific situation everything is slower and more difficult.

Work is tough under these circumstances and inspiration illusive. I need to crack on.

Today I had a really bad day, low in all respects. I find that I would like to do something constructive in moments like this. So I am going to update you on strengths (as promised). OH, by the way, thanks for all the encouraging comments you are great readers. Don't feel you have to always encourage me I do need a wake up now and then.

Do you know your strengths? What are they? Can you list them? I bet you know your weaknesses. If you have been appraised or had a personal development plan, then you will know about your weaknesses.

Strengths are based on your talents and "easy flow " behaviours. Things you do well without trying. Often when combined with a learnt skill they are more obvious. For example you have a good eye for shape and colour, when combined with a skill for drawing you can see graphic design as a strength but it could also be turned into architecture.

Take a look this list of 34 strengths (from the book "Now, Discover Your Strengths"
by Marcus Buckingham , Donald O. Clifton)see for blurb https://www.strengthsfinder.com/faq/$LINGO/0/0/booksite/en/learn_more_home.html

The list from the book with my top 5 in red) :

Achiever
People strong in the Achiever theme have a great deal of stamina and work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.
Activator
People strong in the Activator theme can make things happen by turning thoughts into action. They are often impatient.

Adaptability
People strong in the Adaptability theme prefer to "go with the flow." They tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.
Analytical
People strong in the Analytical theme search for reasons and causes. They have the ability to think about all the factors that might affect a situation.
Arranger
People strong in the Arranger theme can organize, but they also have a flexibility that complements this ability. They like to figure out how all of the pieces and resources can be arranged for maximum productivity.
Belief
People strong in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.
Command
People strong in the Command theme have presence. They can take control of a situation and make decisions.
Communication
People strong in the Communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters.
Competition
People strong in the Competition theme measure their progress against the performance of others. They strive to win first place and revel in contests.
Connectedness
People strong in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason.
Context
People strong in the Context theme enjoy thinking about the past. They understand the present by researching its history.
Deliberative
People strong in the Deliberative theme are best described by the serious care they take in making decisions or choices. They anticipate the obstacles.
Developer
People strong in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.
Discipline
People strong in the Discipline theme enjoy routine and structure. Their world is best described by the order they create.
Empathy
People strong in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situations.
Consistency
(formerly Fairness) People strong in the Consistency theme are keenly aware of the need to treat people the same. They try to treat everyone in the world with consistency by setting up clear rules and adhering to them.
Focus
People strong in the Focus theme can take a direction, follow through, and make the corrections
necessary to stay on track. They prioritize, then act.
Futuristic
People strong in the Futuristic theme are inspired by the future and what could be. They inspire others with their visions of the future.
Harmony
People strong in the Harmony theme look for consensus. They don’t enjoy conflict; rather, they seek areas of agreement.
Ideation
People strong in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.
Includer
(formerly Inclusiveness) People strong in the Includer theme are accepting of others. They show awareness of those who feel left out, and make an effort to include them.
Individualization
People strong in the Individualization theme are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively.
Input
People strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.
Intellection
People strong in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are
introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.
Learner
People strong in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.
Maximizer
People strong in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb.
Positivity
People strong in the Positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.
Relator
People who are strong in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.
Responsibility
People strong in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.
Restorative
People strong in the Restorative theme are adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it.
Self−Assurance
People strong in the Self−assurance theme feel confident in their ability to manage their own lives. They possess an inner compass that gives them confidence that their decisions are right.
Significance
People strong in the Significance theme want to be very important in the eyes of others. They are independent and want to be recognized.
Strategic
People strong in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues.
Woo
People strong in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person.

It's a Saturday night, I said goodbye at to Alex around 4pm after spending the day with him.I was due to pick him up at 3.30 pm yesterday, but like any normal teenager he forgot and his mother brought him over last night. Today we went and found a great little pub that was showing the Liverpool match and settled down for some lunch (I had a beer) and watched the game. It finished too early to take him back so I took him tenpin bowling and watched him.

If you can walk or stand and use your hands just be grateful. You can walk run and be active. Don't delay revel in your body, in the miracle of mobility and movement. The days I had I can't reach, I can't touch the memory. However, my dreams are not held by the reality I have to live in and set me free for a brief yet precious moment. Waking up hurts.

So here I sit, on a Wednesday night, writing a a few halting words about the life I try to maintain in the wheelchair state I find myself. It's hard to imagine anyone reads this but in truth that is the reason I write.

OK, so today I want to talk about sex. It's not a subject a wheelchair suffer, or tetraplegic may think about in your reckoning. Or maybe you are curious but haven't known how to ask. Maybe you don't want to know.

It might surprise you but, women are more likely to leave a disabled partner than the other way round. (from a reliable Dr)

So it goes like this, just because a man or woman is disabled, doesn't stop the bodies sex drive. Some people didn't have much of a sex drive in the first place. So it is no big deal to cope with. Others are tormented by the frustration and all others fall between these extremes. If I tell you about myself, do you promise to keep it secret?

(Mom/Dad you may wish not to read this but I don't mind)
I am in the frustrating situation where sexual function remains completely intact, (bar a few idiosyncratic developments). As a person who had a healthy appetite, the current scenario does create tension. For while the opportunities have arisen I am and have always been, unwilling to give myself to someone I don't love.

Clearly ambiguous and slightly out of touch with modern attitudes.I have coped with this in the past through physical activity and motorbikes. I had a positive outlook and high standards for myself. I did have an indescretion on one occasion but that is another story.

I find it increasingly dispararaging when I am out in public. I am assaulted by the beauty and feminity of the female form. It hauntingly entices me to think about, to consider my sexual needs. There is a fleeting moment of optimistic hope, before a reflection of a person in a wheelchair in a shop window shatters the illusion and drags me back to reality. There was a girl I liked. About 2 years ago. I was helping with the demonstration of my computer setup for some interested people. She seemed like someone I could enjoy getting to know. She didn't think so and turned down my dinner invite. That was it.

It has been quite a week. I will try to recall some of the events of significance while I sit here listening to some Eric Clapton, Dire Straits and Dido to name a few....

I am still carrying the symptoms of a nasty cold that has lingered for weeks. My analysis is that after the hospital stay I haven't beaten the MRSA which I picked up. It has developed into a cold and refuses to budge. So I have to live with a perpetually runny nose and a violent sneeze that is exhausting. The carers have had to stand by with tissues to clean up the fall out.

I am onto the 3rd carer this week. Debbie (New Zealand), finished on Sunda.Glen (Australia) took over and left Friday. Lawrence(UK) is finished on Tuesday and the whole game starts again.

I am selling a display cabinet on ebay because I am not happy with the fit. If you click on this link you can see my ad on ebay Display Cabinet

Spent a few days on Linkedin setting up contacts and hope you will take a look at my profile on the link list (just below my picture on the right).

Yesterday was a lovely day just spent time in the garden did quite a lot. I had Lawrence repotting some house plants and weeding.We have a good crop of butternut on the way. The gemsquash have a few more weeks left and so do the courgettes. Tomatoes going strong and a few brocolli may result from a disasterous crop.

I bought a few pictures which I want to hang. Monet's Garden, da Vinci's Vitruvian man and David Graux - Il Vous aime, c'est un (nude). see pictures

We all have weaknesses and strengths. We try hard to focus on our weaknesses and build them up. I'm reading a book about knowing your strengths. The intresting part so far, is the definition of a strength. Also the author points out that there is no point trying to make weaknesses into strengths. We should instead learn to recognise our strengths and build them up.

It makes sense and is a philosophy I was using before my accident with my key managers.

I now need to apply it to this new situation and in my own life. Not so easy.

Some pictures of me with my page turner for interest.

You know I am really a sad case. It's Friday night and I am sitting here in front of a computer. Man, why did I have that last glass of Rioja? I should know that to drink in a foul mood only makes things worse!

I have a dilemma, the level of openess I use. I am not a particularly deep person but I am soulfull which some find depressing.

I have put 2 new links to my site please take a look.

What makes a man, a man . Manly. I feel very male. Sexually it's a strong orientation. Yet, I am thoroughly comfortable with my emotions my appreciation of a beautiful rose, with my creativity. With my relationship with my children. I know it doesn't effect the measure of maleness, yet I feel unattractive for my manliness.

The wheelchair is a strong categorisation. However, the truth is often not in the same box.
Sure, I can understand the attraction of sacrifice, to see the value of service and humility toward someone less fortunate. I am not a "cause" or an excuse for nunery service.

I am charming, I love to interact and tease the opposite sex. I love feminity.The eyes, shy smile and the soft fragrant skin of a woman. It occurs to me that the use of my charm will lead me to disappointment. So I don't use it. I keep my heart hidden. Keep the sexual tiger bound and caged. I have never learned to seperate my heart from my desire. I don't want to.

I promised you all some photos. Well here they are.

I use a Camera mouse. It tracks your face and moves the cursor correspondingly. It takes practice and when used with an on-screen keyboard, allows me to type.






























This last picture is me on the exercise bike (hands only for this photo).



I'm happy to help other disabled people with gizmos and aids to assist them. Please contact me through my e-mail.

I have a friend called Annes and he sends out a Thought for the Day. Well today's thought was very challenging and I include a piece for you to think about.

Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869-1948)

We win justice quickest by rendering justice to the other party.



From the Bible

Luke 6: 27 “But I tell you who hear me: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, and pray for those who ill-treat you. 31Do for others just what you want them to do for you.

It has been a topsy turvy time since I last wrote. I have been doing longer hours as well as doing more physio since I took delivery of my new exercise bike. It's great btw,photos soon.

Has anyone heard of Acuigen? They do b2b research and customer research. Based in Cranfield UK. I need a contact, so please check your network if anyone knows them.

I have received a few complaints from the hecklers. All concerning the frequency of updates (this is good at you are reading). I will do my best to be more diligent. Thanks guys.

Did anyone watch the Moto GP yesterday? WOW! After seeing that you have to respect those guys who love to race on the edge. Well you know what they say, "If you're not living on the edge, you are wasting space." It's a great sensation, to be on the limits of your machine and capability. Everything is just so intense.

So I had the Ruth and Alex for the weekend. We picked some apples from a few trees in public ground, just up the road, a bit sour but excellent for Apple Crumble. we also found a few hazel nut trees and had some roast hazel nuts and apple crumble (courtesy of my mothers recipe, who's called Hazel)

Well not much going on in the voting for pics (below) .Seems the winner so far is (c) or (a). Also mentioned were (h)and (b)but I will keep you posted on developments.

I had some fun today looking for a suitable "eye" to use for my logo.With the name Consumer Insight, I have to use an eye, don't eye?

Objective: find a picture with a strong gaze that draws your attention.

Some ideas so far:(please feedback your preferences in to the comments)
a)


b)


c)


d)


e)


f)


g)




h)