How do you know if you are loved?
the answer lies in behaviour - words don't mean a thing when they are not backed up with actions
I have come to the conclusion that I am not held in the same regard by my closest as I feel for them. It's quite sobering - you can't confront people about your feelings because if they change you will feel like it is forced and not spontaneous. Everytime you realise that you are not in the place where you thought that you were, you feel the distance grow and suddenly everything becomes clearer all the things that you are not part of and the plans you are not part of. You know that your picture is not present on the devices. You are not seen as worth the effort.
I suppose this can't be helped - I am so difficult to talk to (with my bad speech) my lack of mobility and my paralysis make me a boring person to be with. I know that so I should just got used to it.
I just wanted to be special to someone. I remember as a boy that I dreamed of a day when I could have a relationship of honesty. I thought it would happen for me but I am not the person who has it.
I have been blaming myself for so long that I don't know how to stop.
