2017 What just happened?

A reflection...

The year draws to an end and a new year begins. It is the season of peace and goodwill. The last 18 months have felt like the pus pouring from a rotting wound. I have felt bewildered by the hatred and cruelty that seems to be everywhere in the world today. The gap between the super rich and the rest is widening. Racism and hate are brazenly displayed. World leaders are standing by while there is genocide in Burma, people dying of starvation in Yemen, murdering factions in the DRC (Congo) and ongoing suffering in Syria. There is so much separation and division, such violence and hate, that I feel a sense of deep despair. Where is the hope? Where are the leaders that stand up for what is right and good? Where are the leaders willing to  make a difference and speak out for the oppressed and weak?

In the richest country America we see a leader who has only ever known wealth and affluence brazenly displaying prejudice and ignorance. Leading his nation into some dark places.

In the UK we see politicians trying to outdo each other as Brexiteers, making wild claims about the prospects of Britain separated from Europe. Coupled with this a rise in hate crime and nationalism.

In Austria we have seen the rise of a party with roots in Nazi thinking becoming the second largest party and entering government through coalition.

Intolerance is on the increase and is given more license by media and leaders with attitudes and opinions filled with thinking that is based on attitudes of intolerance and racism.  Blaming their problems on others (Muslim, black, immigrants, Mexicans etc.).  Far right groups are given air time and are on the increase (Austrian politics has recently seen a far right group come 2nd in recent elections). Demonization of immigrants, Muslims and foreigners is an increasing trend that is reminiscent of the Nazi campaign against the Jews which started before the 2nd World War, when they were just a minor party.

The destruction of other cultures and people starts with a seemingly good thing, the fight to protect your own culture, people and way of life. This is used to justify blaming another group which quickly descends to dehumanising and justified destruction of this group. Good men and women are drawn into the thinking that it is right to destroy another group if they are evil and threaten your own people. The seeds for genocide are sown by good people twisted into bad thinking.

I feel helpless as I sit in my wheelchair and watch these events unfold. Frustrated by my speech impediment and inability to express my views verbally, I have to write them down. I worry about the world that we have created for our children. A world that seems to lean easily toward hate and division, towards falsehood and misinformation. Where is the hope?

I read a quote once that said "For evil to flourish, good men and women must just do nothing". It is going to take the voices of good people everywhere to speak out in their daily lives against prejudice, dehumanisation, hate speech and division. We all need to be more tolerant, less judgemental and more caring. Working toward a future of hope and common humanity. A world that works toward the common good.

I know that it sounds like "namby pamby, liberal nonsense" but I am not saying that we should just let go of our societal structures and norms, instead we should examine the world around us and stand up for the weak, for the marginalized and for those who need help.

As 2017 shudders to its close and 2018 starts to show, make it your resolve to stand for good when the world around you turns negative.

Do not go gentle…

Lately I feel the effect of the last year of illness. When I ended up in ICU 3 times and spent almost a year in ICU recovering and waiting for care arrangements, I found out that whilst I was sedated; there were considerations about whether to turn off the life support. I realised that the value of my life had become a lot less. Effectively, the question of whether to preserve my life had become a justification. In other words "was there any reason to preserve my life".

When one is weak and vulnerable, the value of your life is diminished. I know that I have a low quality life compared to normal able bodied persons. I don't go out much, I can't ever have a normal relationship, I experience severe periods of loneliness. The list of negatives is indeed long.

Yet, through all of this I love and I am loved. I am still able to do things for others whether advice, guidance or encouragement. I can enjoy the small things a warm fire, a sunny day and beauty in people and things around me.

I fight to keep alive; some weeks it feels like a daily challenge. I am very aware of the fragility of my life. There is a point where I am powerless to make a difference to my health and I have to let it be. On the days when I feel the weakness and my system deteriorates I despair at the tenuous nature of it all.

The words of Dylan Thomas addressed to his dying father replay over and over in my mind; 

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wrecked

I feel alone, hopeless.
Where do I turn?
My dreams, my hopes have been eroded.
I cling on to the flotsam that remains.
I am sinking, alone.