Soaring with the Eagles?

I am just sitting here listening to the Eagles latest and lost in the mood and thoughts about my day. It may not be the ideal activity to be engaged in on a Friday night at 7 o'clock but tonight I don't want to do anything else. Oh, I had plans but they didn't work out.

I need some help with training. If you know anything about setting up training in a company I need to investigate the management of students and records. I know that software does exist but what works and what is best? If you can offer advice let me know.

I should see the kids this weekend. Which is always good. Ruth's birthday is soon and I bought her a gift she has wanted for some time. More about this later.

Rain again today. There have rain showers over the last 3 days due to a sequence of different fronts. This has been needed, because though it's been a cold April, there has been precious little rain. So my garden is grateful. The vegetables at the moment consist of onion, garlic, broccoli, cabbage, potatoe and parsnips and carrots together. I am not sure if the carrots and parsnips will recover after cats rolled around in the bed. We shall have to wait and see.

Getting Knotted

The weekends are a time to relax. Setting the mind free of the anxiety and strain of the week. It's like undoing a knot and it takes effort and time. I shouldn't get so tangled up in the first place...

It is the middle of April and it is still cold. I need to get seeds ready for planting but this year I haven't been out much and the cold wet weather has been discouraging for garden visits.

We are planning to start a charity. Excessive government meddling has created a lifeless, expensive, bureaucratic monster called "social care". The only people who get something out of it are the unscrupulous, cheats and "fly by nights". In the absence of a better system we feel a difference can be made in the role of care giver. Currently the most import 2 people are the disabled person trying to live their life with all its complications and the person/s assisting in this.

We think that there is an area in a disabled person's life that is not dealt with properly. The provision of professional, dedicated, well trained helpers. We don't want to use the word carer. It is a poor description of the role and disabled people don't want a carer they need an aide. Through Linda's persistence we came to "Aide de Vie" or AV for short.

I will tell you more about this later.

It appears as though Linda has moved off the idea of moving jobs. So some stability has returned.

I am still on the search for a new aide (carer, AV). I interviewed a young local, polish girl, who is qualified on the face of it, but may not pass the job shadow. So I will let you know in a few weeks time.

Regret and forgiveness

Do memories invade your mind at inappropriate times ? Do they make you smile and sometimes dry a tear of emotion? Someone once said "live for today " and yet we fret and flounder over the mistakes in our past. We hold on to anger, resent, hate and failure. It succeeds in doing only one thing, it poisons the present and devours happiness.

My ex always speaks to me of her bad life. Debt,work and children problems fill her conversations with me. I am a captive audience in every sense. Unable to interrupt her flow, I sit and wonder about how pretty she is without the scowl and twisted down mouth. Yet she cannot enjoy the good she has because she can't let go her negativity. When will she realise that there is only today, now, tomorrow doesn't exist and yesterday is gone.

I am not advocating we don't prepare for the future, rather that we don't let worry about it,ruin today.

I hate being in this wheelchair, it forces me to be what I am not. I shy from change from crowds and I become reserved. Why? Why give in? I have to live as best I can and with no voice or movement, I just can't do those things. So I do what I can. I have given presentations, I write a blog, I have a small business and I enjoy 3 beautiful children. I am not dead yet.

Dr Zhivago

I watched Doctor Zhivago yesterday. A 4 hour BBC movie on the novel by the same title by Boris Pasternak. I am currently listening to the audio book which is 16 cds in length. A very moving tale set at the time of the overthrow of Czarist Russia and the move to communism. A few things did stand out for me but the clear portrayal by the author of the importance of love and a belief system were very poignant. The story covers the life of Yuri Zhivago, the women he loved, the political turmoil in Russia and the lives of ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances. Read it if you haven't already done so.

This morning the ground was covered in a blanket of soft, fleecy white snow. Even the motionless trees couldn't shake a covering of white. The clear blue sky and subsequent sunlight ensured that it didn't remain.

The week passed has been typical but marked by the Alex leaving and the return of emptiness. We had a chance to say some things and talk. He is a remarkable boy.

I have been given 3 male zebra finch by Linda after she ended up with too many. They chirp all day at my lounge window, occasionally darting around the cage in agile celebration. Their names are Dude, Easter and Fawkes.