Getting up on a Sunny Sunday morning.

Getting up on a Sunny Sunday morning.

I lay in bed with the radio on. I imagined what it would be like to swing my legs over the side sit up, yawn and stretch. To stand up, throw open the curtains and to take a step outside the back doo and breathe the frosty winter air. ahh well better call for carer Debbie to begin the process of dressing me and hoisting me into a wheelchair.

Did you know that the classical onion dome architecture is influenced from Greek orthodox which coincidentally was based in Constantinople  which was later destroyed and became Istanbul.
The origin of the name Algorithm for the the programming  rules in electronic devices is Muslim ,named after a clever Muslim man who used basic rules to calculate complex problems .

16 million people have genes from Genghis Kahn.
Truth is we all need each other- we are brothers
Happy New Year 

Flight to UK

Having just spent 2 months with my parents, I traveled from South Africa to the UK this week. I left home around 3 pm on Tuesday and left Durban heading for Dubai at around 7 pm. I flew Emirates Air. Despite the kind staff and their efforts , it was a difficult flight with pain and discomfort throughout. I can't  sleep under conditions like these. Taking tablets is dangerous as I may sleep through a pressure point, which can cause dangerous pressure sores (skin circulation is cutoff due to prolonged pressure , causing the flesh to die).So I stay awake or just doze a little. A good friend gave me a travel pillow and this helped reduce the fatigue .

The flight to Dubai lasts 8 hrs. We had a 3-4 hr wait for our connection to Birmingham. I was tired when we landed and planned to have a rest in my Wheelchair while we waited. Now, for those who don't know, to be seated I have to be lifted  from my wheelchair onto an aisle chair. This a manhandling procedure. Takes several men to lift me and deposit me on a narrow aisle chair, which is used to get me to my seat, where the process repeats to place me in my seat.

In Dubai disaster struck when ground staff sent the chair off to baggage claims. I was already on the aisle chair when someone realized. At this point time stood still and I was pressured and pushed to just use a standard wheelchair.  I was tired and sore from the narrow aisle chair. I had been parked leaning against a wall in the  plane doorway. I knew that the moment that I left the plane I would lose my leverage and any hope of getting my wheelchair would be lost. So I refused to move whilst the captain and his crew screamed at the ground staff. They couldn't leave until I did.

My chair was found and ferried back across the vast  runways and terminals of Dubai .An hour had pass I was in agony but I had won! Having my wheelchair back meant that I would get 40 mins rest before we began the next leg and boarded for Birmingham.

So I am home. I spasmed and squirmed for 5 hrs of the 6 hour flight but I am ok, despite long scratches down my sides and every joint aching. I am recovering and will be fine in a day or two.

I had a dream

I had a  dream

So I had this dream where I was ok again, my paralysis and my passive demeanour where non-existent. I was strong and animated. I could talk with emphasis and charisma. I was with my boy Alex and he is on my mind an awful lot lately as are each of my children. We were surrounded by a throng of people all around but were alone and talking.

Suddenly I heard myself start to speak intently. I was looking at Alex, eye to eye, words began to flow like a dam bursting. The meaning was powerful and  the delivery poetic.  I said,

Each of us has 4 seasons in our life. Spring, summer, autumn and winter. Each characterised by specific purposes and outcomes. We are a living seed that is planted into the soil which characterises the environment and circumstances of the life we are planted into. We may be in poor soil, we may never see enough sunshine or get enough rain. We may be in rich soil with perfect conditions. We may be in rocky ground without water. These are not our choice but they are part the life we need to live and overcome.

This life will have phases and each phase will have distinct features and opportunities:  these are like seasons.  Each season has a purpose and a meaning and in your life you need to get all there is to maximise the benefit of the phase and prepare for the next.  The spring is the beginning of your life and the winter the last of your life. To enjoy summer you will need strong roots and broad leaves. In Autumn your fruit will fall away and give back to feed your seed as Winter will diminish you and your strength will draw into your roots.

In spring it’s all about growth, expansion of your abilities, prowess, boundaries and possibilities.  Send your roots deep and your branches wide. You need to maximise your opportunities to give yourself options. Evolution teaches that survival depends on a species ability to adapt, I tell you now your survival is measured on your ability to  maximise your abilities and possibilities and to succeed.

“Make the mistakes while you are young “, is what they say; I say to you push the boundaries.  Don’t be afraid to try, your future depends on learning from failure (and success).

No one can tell you how to live, others will point or bar the way;  but you have to choose. You can choose to go against what others say, you can choose a new way  or acquiesce (give in). Whatever you choose you have to choose, even deciding to do nothing is still in effect, a choice. It is not failure to change your mind. It takes courage to admit you were wrong and strength to make a change. If you choose something which is difficult to do you will need to be strong and make the sacrifices that will be required.

The seasons will continue to influence your life, prepare yourself and realise that you can’t stop the sun from rising or setting;  but you can be prepared to get the most from each phase. Reject company or situations that entice you away from your purpose.  

 Be prepared, be wise, be true to yourself.

From emptiness to hope

Last time I wrote about emptiness and the feeling you get when you don't feel human, feel seperate from others. Today I am in a better place but the separateness of being disabled adds a dimension to life that others in your life can't relate to. I don't expect they will be able and I don't really mind; but I need connection. To feel that I am more than an object of interest. A person, who needs dignity ,love and hope. Yes hope.

I have a good sense of humour and can keep up with most. I have opinions on most things but can't be bothered to talk when I feel ignored. Sometimes when speaking I will gettalked over. That is tough. When you already feel invisible it can be hurtful. Hey, I used to be able to banter as good as anyone ,now I am a listener.

Emotions are not something to be afraid of or embarrassed by. They define our humanity. Making us separate from AI(artificial intelligence) and giving us abilities we don't understand. The ability to be motivated , ultruistic, caring and hopeful in the face of obvious hopelessness.

Our foolishness ,our quirkyness,our crooked teeth and wobbly smiles. Are perfect. Perfect definitions of our humanity.

Maddening emptiness

I sit listening and sometimes watching the 6 o'clock news. I have just eaten 2 finger roll with some leftover homemade boerewors (sausage) and the salad bits nobody wanted. A simple meal which proved difficult. Depending on another's hands is never easy but being fed is the hardest when it comes to finger food. How to hold it and release it so that the bite is possible and it goes into the mouth and not around the mouth. Eating salad is another challenge. I don't eat much during the day. I prefer to undergo the frustration and irritation of being fed only once a day.
Its  not all that bad. Sometimes it can be a pleasure to enjoy the meal leisurely and without concern for the process.

I looked forward to today as I was expecting to see the kids with cousin Cara and Colleen. Arriving just as my physio was due to start meant that I needed to cut short my session. Unfortunately, Cara wasn't with them and had returned by train earlier and Ruth was at school. I had taken out some of my home made boerewors out earlier. Now barbequed, they all scoffed whilst I watched.
Emptiness has filled me, the fleeting visit has cemented the walls that seem to be separating me from others. The wheelchair used to feel like a force-field, keeping others at a distance. Somehow I have become the force field. Now, after all have left, I feel like water that is poured onto a beach, spent.
Trying to eat a meal and give instruction about being fed is just another burden that threatens to overload my temperament. I feel my carer's resentment when I remark that the task I asked for 2 days hasn't been done but I ignore it and remain undeterred.
More walls.