I don't know if anyone reads these or whether you are just passing. Writing these was a way for me to come to terms with the massive mistakes I have made and the tragic circumstances of my now one dimensional life. I am changing and some of the change is not good.

I think I under-estimated the size of the challenge and the length of sheer repetitive lonely times. Heck,I am not complaining or bemoaning my situation, I wonder if I can keep it up and sustain the dignity and respect my fragile ego needs to survive.

Some of the changes I have noticed. Impatience, short temper and deep extreme loneliness . They may be considered acceptable and even expected. I consider them dangerous to my well being. Mainly because of the effect on my state of mind and motivation.

I have used the internet to keep in touch with friends and family, it help, but it can't beat a phone call or a big hug. (Anyway as a virtual medium its virtually useless for anything important)

So I was sent a recipe for German cookies by Milada in Germany (see earlier note) and I will try these soon. If you would like to I have included it:

Vanillekipferl

Small Crescent-shaped Rolls with Vanilla

Zutaten/Ingredients:

200 g Mehl/flour

50 g Zucker/sugar

3 Päckchen Vanillezucker oder/packets of vanilla-sugar or

1/2 ausgeschabte Vanilleschote/scraped vanilla pod

80 g geschälte, geriebene Mandeln/skined sharped almonds

150 g Butter/butter

Vanillezucker mit Puderzucker gemischt zum Wälzen/vanilla-sugar mixed with powder sugar to coat with when ready at the end

I take always a double amount of the ingredients!!! That means you should take 400 g flour etc. as well...

But I remain by 3 packets of vanilla-sugar, only. Or 1 scraped vanilla pod, if I have it. Because you have to coat the ready small rolls with vanilla-sugar mixed with powder sugar at the end anyway. Otherwise it would be too much of vanilla, I suppose.

I take also mostly sharped walnuts instead of skined sharped almonds. I like it with walnuts. But you can take any sharped nuts.

- I make the butter warm. You can work better with it, if it is liquid. But it shouldn´t cook, of course.

- I put everything in a bowl and knead it well together.

- the dough should rest for about a quarter of hour in a cold place

- you knead the dough again and make several pieces of it

- you roll out each piece and cut it in small pieces and roll each small piece on the table and form it into

a small crescent-shaped roll, the ends should be shaped

(but they can be round as well, everyone can decide how to do it, of course - anyway, somebody makes

them 3 centimetes large, somebody likes them larger - I make 3-4 cm)

- you put it on the backing tray, you don´t make the tray fatty (you have enough fatt in the dough)

- you prepare all the backing trays before you start to bake!!!

- you make the heater on about 190 °C (I make 180 - it depends, you have to take care!)

- you bake about 10 minutes (you can try, otherwise they are ready when they begin to smell wonderful!)

- you take a deep plate and put in it vanilla-suger mixed with powder sugar

- when the Vanillekipfer are ready, you start to coat them with the mixed sugar

Good chance!

Yours Milada and Alexander