Contemplation

Contemplation
 Stoke Mandeville Hospital Day 10

The day has drawn to a quiet close. The echo of voices and the whooshing sound of powered wheelchairs is the only sound in my room at end of the ward. As i put on some soft jazz I drift into a state of melancholy contemplation.

I realise I not in a happy state but I am open to the feelings and thoughts which wander aimlessly around in my mind. Since Tuesday I have had no voice and I have withdrawn from interaction. Normally an extrovert with gregarious tendency, I never put myself into positions where the quiet inner voice can be heard. Somehow I like it. I am alone in this place but I am not lonely.

This feeling was my experience quite regularly when I spent a year in Antarctica. It is such a magnificent and expansive place that one simply has to be alone to to think while you absorb your surroundings.

Overlooking the bukta (frozen sea salient)

The midnight sun just returning after winter.

Baby icebergs trapped by sea ice

This week I had a series of injections in my neck and biceps to reduce the level of activity in them. This may seem strange namely to paralyse a paralysed man even further. However, if muscles are over active they can mask other movement or just distort the body. The injection is a controlled dose of botulinum toxin, botox, when injected deep into the muscle it goes to work poisoning the are so after a few days the muscle becomes paralysed. I haven't reached that stage yet.

Justice, is the law only for ordinary folk?

Recently in the UK we had the Libor scandal. This was a shocking revelation that banks had colluded to set inter bank lending rate. This rate essentially deternines the cost of borrowing by consumers. So it had the effect of "stealing" from everyone who needed to loan money or had an existing loan. What's upsetting and ironic is that the rich bankers sought to enrich themselves further at the expense of the very people who through their taxes had bailed out the banks a few months earlier. This scale of this scandal was described by Andrew Lo, MIT Professor of Finance: "This dwarfs by orders of magnitude any financial scam in the history of markets."

Nobody went to jail or has suffered from their part in this. The banks were fined and the CEO resigned with a big payout. The bank staff continued to get massive bonuses and kept their jobs.The losers were the bank's shareholders who essentially bore the cost of the fines and share price drop and the bank's customers who paid excessive interest.

Today UK news is of another scandal, but this time in energy markets. The essence of this scandal is the colluding by energy providers to set the gas price artificially. This effect would be to keep the retail price of gas high even though the wholesale price had dropped substantially.

In common these examples show an essential flaw in our world. We have lost our understanding of right and wrong. When you break into a man home and steal his possessions it's wrong and you go to jail. If you lift a mans wallet in the street it's a crime and you go to jail. However, if you run a big company and preside over a system that colludes to defraud systems designed to ensure fair consumer prices; you get a big bonus and a massive pension .Where are the great entrepreneurs that stood apart as daring contributors to society, enriching society and using their wealth for positive outcomes?

Contrast this to the captains of industry in the 19th century, for example Brunel.
In the early to mid 1800's we had massive industrial development. One man stands out Isambard Kingdom Brunel he was ambitious and brave, not afraid to think big, confident in the face of critical press and his impact was felt by all. An English mechanical and civil engineer, he built bridges and dockyards, the Great Western Railway, a series of steamships including the first propeller-driven transatlantic steamship and numerous important bridges and tunnels. His designs revolutionised public transport and modern engineering. His work provided employment for many and new mobility to millions. They advanced the public good.

Isambard Kingdom Brunel by the launching chains of the SS Great Eastern

Today we have spotty faced billionaires and stuffed shirt CEOs running massive corporations. In common the aim in these worlds is to accumulate wealth. A few philanthropists like Bill Gates are amongst them but they seem insignificant. What legacy of these wealthy captains of industry will remain? Will they impoverish the world in their pursuit of more wealth?

Stoke Mandeville Hospital Day 6

Stoke Mandeville Hospital Day 6
I arrived at SMH yesterday afternoon and I wasn't that well.  This persisted through to a bad night and today. I thought I might need energy (I had been eating light on Saturday and Sunday ) so had toast and coffee. This was a bad idea and my blood pressure plummeted and went all woozy.  If you want attention in a hospital just try saying you feel light headed and you will get you vital signs measured and be asked a load of questions which feels bewilderingly like the Spanish Inquisition. After an hour or so I felt a little better and measurement showed that my pressure had risen slightly and although low was more manageable. So I just had a slow day today.

I am using an adapted tablet PC running windows 7 about the size of an ipad. This has modifications which allow me access without the need to touch the display or use a keyboard . Instead I can control the mouse pointer with my head orientation. I select or click with a button in my left hand (I have sufficient movement in  my thumb to press  down).

So I completed my therapy for the day and have been listening to music and browsing the internet. I will probably get an early night.

A book tribute for 36 million

Yang Jisheng

 TOMBSTONE

Recently translated into English,, but published in 1990 The book "TOMBSTONE" by Yang Jisheng is a factually based account of the events and attitudes leading up  to and during the  The Great Famine.. A low point in then recent   history of China. Just 50 years  ago the famine occurred from 1958 to 1962. 36 Million Chinese people died. More than  in any similar tragedy. It was  a tragedy born of  arrogance  and idealism but fed by fear and  ignorance.

What do you know about China? I know very little. Radio4 has a book reading every day and last week they featured Tombstone by Yang Jisheng. The book was first published in Chinese but has recently been translated into English  by Stacy Mosher and Guo Jian. Released in October 2012.

       .
It is a tribute to his foster father who died during the Great Famine. Set in the period from 1958 to 1962 and during  Mao's "Great leap forward".He ascribes the meaning of the title as a tribute to his foster father's sacrifice to give him the quality of life he had.which deserved more than a stone memory but a written tribute. Saying that stone can be destroyed but the words will live forever.

During my reading on the subject  came across this site  about things Chinese "The Peking Duck" which adds to the understanding of what the book is about.:

"The descriptions of what the peasants endured during the GLF, familiar as they are, are still heartbreaking. And forget about the line that it was simply another naturally occurring famine. No, not at all. It was a man-made event, and had it not been for Mao and his ego and his dogma it wouldn’t have happened.

I wrote in the margins of every page in this chapter. It was a scene of mayhem and death and cannibalism the likes of which we can never imagine. I had read about Tombstone last year, but never knew the full story behind it. Its publication highlights the Party’s increasing toleration. But always, of course, within limits" 

The book had a strong reaction from me and made interesting listening it will no doubt be a good read.

Bangs, falls, pops and aches

Stoke Mandeville Hospital Day 3

The next 3 weeks I will be in rehabilitation for my back and posture; some thoughts and observations during my stay. This blog has taken over 90mins to write due to to computer playing up and aches from physio.

I was fed up after my first session  at smh as there was no coordinated plan. So I went and asked the consultant if we could get everyone together for a planning meeting. so hopefully things will begin to  take shape.   The plan is   to address the excess muscle activity on my Rhs which pulls me over with targeted botox injections which, if done properly, won't be harmful.

On  Monday while transferring I fell out the sling.  Luckily  I landed on my head, so they only need to repair the broken floor tile! Other than that I am just full of aches.

There was a  big  rush of attention to get me x-rayed but I didn't want to  be fussed about. I normally would welcome attention but all I got was inquiring stares. Not one cup of tea among them. My carer, Debbie, looked on sheepishly  and anxiously  trying to be as inconspicuous as ever but only managed to get some sideways glances from nurses and hca's thankful it  wasn't them responsible.

One of the delightful aspects of spinal injury is embarrassing bodily functions that cannot be controlled or hidden in the typical behaviour; like quickly leaving a room to burp or let out a cloud of gas. Even the dignity of receiving a bodily warning in order to preempt the incident, is  just not a feature. One could be quietly sitting talking and sharing a cuppa with friends when  a loud noise suddenly leaves your body. if you are unlucky and you are in posh company the noise with will be followed by the smell of a rotting corpse.

While writing this..in the silence of  my hospital room I jumped out of my skin when  a  loud POP sound  (fart) from my bottom suddenly escaped and was  gone

Another day in the life of tetraplegia.