Thanks to Sue for sending me these words by Veronica A. Shoffstall....

After a While

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of an adult
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.

Veronica A. Shoffstall

Ever noticed that it's so easy to misjudge another person? I think we all have the ability to focus on specific incidents or behaviours (often our own insecurities). We react by making a judgment against our own knowledge of the person. Doubt sets in and the sensitivity increases.How much energy we waste remembering destructive things. Much better to clarify the incident immediately and to forget or deal with it.

Destructive results occur when we remember details that are not important.

Sometimes we can waste days worrying or even damage a healthy relationship.

Its like condemming the tree for a bad apple.

It's so hard to keep focused on the the normal things when the sh?t keeps catching up. I hope you don't mind this tirade but bad luck if you do. You can always read something else!

I am stumbling over my words, coherence? What's that?

I worked super hard on an e-mail, I will probably not get an acknowledgement on.It hasn't been easy I was fighting poor health and I wanted it to be right and timeous.

moan moan

I have never been this negative before. Nothing I have written makes any sense, well not to me.

Later...

It's a lovely, cool, sunny day here. I am leaving in an hour to pick up Carmen who is staying over. I hope we can get a chance to relax and talk!

I had a letter from my father as he is preparing some facilities for me to visit. It's fairly complicated to do anything because of my level of dependance on aids. So I have to pay close attention to all the details as I can't afford to have a problem.

The EU Food project is getting a little busier but is still too detailed and unfocussed. Next week I will try to take time to improve it.

I am on the way to my workplace. I hope to see Carmen on the way back as she has been very sick. She missed school yesterday and still has a temperature today. She spent the day here yesterday and will be at home today. Such a sweetheart she slept all day yesterday and tried to be as little trouble as possible. Colleen will stay with her and hopefully take her to the doctor.

I can't write anymore now.

So I am working on an EU project. The title is "Food for Life" and it forms part of FP7 (Framework 7. My concern is a part of this, dealing with "Food and the Consumer ". You can read about it over here: CIAA

If you are interested in the EU Research Programs try:
European Research Area


It really can be tedious reading and I constantly want to scream "GET TO THE POINT! !". Patience is steadily growing out of necessity. I want to do this properly or not at all (I can't work on something I don't believe in). The skills I have are ideally suited to sharp, focused objectives so I must not allow myself to get bogged down in the work I am not best at.

Question: what do you think is the most important food related issue facing our world?

I have just read through my last blogg, hee hee, I do sound silly. Embarrassing as it is, I am not going to change it.

Went see Narnia last night. I was so emotional! I think the movie was good in all the movie attributes (like acting, etc.) but the story really touched me even though I knew it well.

I was enjoying things with the kids .So after the movie we went to the pub behind the theatre and waited for Colleen who had been to see a different movie.

Ruth stayed over and we have just had some fresh scones and tea.Which Ruth (9yrs) made.

I have no illusions about this.

But I am so bad at humility and self-acceptance, that I constantly worry about things that I don't have the ability to do right. I don't ask others and I agonize about myself.

How can "I have no illusions about this "?
NO!
IN TRUTH
I have loads.

It has been a hectic week and I have still so much to achieve. I am constantly in a battle between achieving my work program and the inconsequential,yet essential aspects of daily routine, hospital appointments, personal care, household admin,and my hobbies(just projects I am interested in).It is not surprising I have little time for the good stuff,like relationships and entertainment.

I have to say, being busy can certainly delay any bad feelings or loneliness. The trick is to just run faster than the negative thoughts. If you don't, they get you. Ouch.

A heavy heart today. I missed out on seeing my children again. I want to visit them this afternoon. The dillema is a venue. I barely fit through the door. I will work it out.

I had some friends over last night. Veronica had worked all afternoon to prepare roast chicken pieces and roasted vegetables we enjoyed a bottle of Mouton Cadet (french red) which I confess, I enjoyed more of!

I plan to crack on with some EU project work tomorrow. I will post the links to it when I start.

I hope people read this. I would love some feedback or thoughts...?!

I also need to know whether any of these posts are what you need to hear about.

So - talk to me!

I am descending into the foggy soup of a lazy mind. A Christmas break can really put you back, I think my problem started before the break. I need to get something (other than this boring disability) to occupy my mind.When I had work projects to think about, to investigate and write about I thought less about ME.

How about this for a thought, Sue wrote to me and mentioned that; "we teach people how to treat us by our signals, behaviour and responses. " I think there is a lot of inherent truth in this.If we turn this around, are you responsible for treating someone in a way congruent with their signals and behaviours?

I would love some thoughts on this!

Happy New Year!

I confess I was a bit boring last night. I had a visit from Alan. We shot out to the local for an early pint. They were closed and opened late, what with New Year I s'pose, so we picked up some caffreys ale at the shop and came back. We watched a spanish movie, had a kebab from the take away, then watched "lock stock and 2 smoking barrels".Well Alan left soon after and aside from the usual garbage there was nothing worthwhile to watch so I went to bed at about 11.00 and fell asleep!

How boring is that I challenge anyone to beat that.