Yesterday my friend ,neighbour and gardening expert, came and spent the day here clearing up the front and rear garden. He planted 3 fruit trees, mowed and turned the beds.Here are some views around the back.

Just finished programming my controller. I updated and added all the new devices and just improved the menus.

Back to work.

So strong, so together, so self- assured.
So shaky, hanging on, hopelessly hoping.
2 descriptions 1 person.
The enormity of this monatany looms, like the Berlin wall.
Safe in my womb. Surrounded by silence. In a blanket of black night.
The words on a fairground carousel in my head, " am I still a person? "

Why do I feel like an exotic, new, zoo attraction?
Why am I so confused?

Is the answer too much to face?

I decided to write to all my friends about my trip to SA. I figured that I was pretty much at the stage where the likelihood of going was greater than 50/50 so I should go ahead and communicate it. (This behaviour is not normal but I reserve any excitement or build-up to the last minute when I can see nothing can sabotage the trip,it avoids disappointment)

The trip will be my first in 4 years. I will be at my parents house in Eshowe. My children leave a week earlier and will be dropped off to spend time with me and the family. They will return to England a week before me and I will try to see my Unilever colleagues and friends.

Well yesterday Colleen and the kids came over to make a few plans and say our goodbyes as I won't see them till SA.

Today I watched the first race of the Moto GP in Jerev,Spain.Winner Loris Capirossi and 2nd Danny Pedrosa on his first race in this class (a good start for him).

I am stuck at home. I was hoping to get across to Colworth today, but Shaun lost his license a few weeks ago and can't drive, plus Jane is is still ill(she went off on Wednesday) .

Yesterday I tried a new harness type sling which allows me to stand upright and take a few steps. It worked well enough to allow me to stand and lift my legs like walking. My posture was poor and I couldn't pull my back straight. So I am going to find the cash to install this in my room.

No kids this weekend apparently as they all have something on. I might just go out to a movie!

It's Wednesday and Jane is sick today. This morning I had Paul from Balder over to check over the chair before I leave for SA. Nothing major just a few loose nuts and bolts.

When I had a chance I got to work programming my environmental control. This is like a big, multi-function remote control. It can control doors, tv lights etc. and gives a control freak like me some feeling of independence.

This weekend was Alex's birthday. The girls stayed with me whilst he had some friends over. We prepared a treasure hunt with a challenge (poem) and then a trail of sweets leading to each gift. This ceremony is something I started to make up for my absence in their lives. It adds to the excitement and gives them more to remember. Afterwards I took them to Pizza hut for lunch. Sorry no photos!

I sit here on another Friday afternoon. I am contemplating the weekend ahead and hoping I can do the things I need to.

I enjoy thinking about ideas I love debating them openly and thoroughly. I get so exasperated by people who close their minds to anything new. I like strong views but be prepared to listen, discuss and challenge. Your views are your right, no-one can take that away.

I like ideas which make one see beyond your own point of view.

Can't think right now, itchy ear, makes me flinch. Phew, its going away. Did you ever think an itch could drive you mad?

It has been ages since I last wrote. I have been terribly distracted in the last 2 weeks. I gave a presentation to th VP for research. Some important issues about the future of the business. It was quite risky, but I don't have time to waste being diplomatic and reserved.

Anyway, I think it went OK and he seemed to take notice of the things I said. I expect time will tell.



Alex's birthday on Sunday. He will be 14 years old. He is a great lad. He has to pick his subjects for the next few years. He has a good bit of all the major groups of subjects but stays clear of languages. Two of his interests are sport/P.E. and technical crafts.






NEWS FLASH!
I am making my first attempt to fly to SA. I hope to stay for 3 weeks and see a few friends and family. Departure on the 6th April for Joburg return 26th April. Yikes!

Its time to do a stand. What's that? Well I use a facility on my wheelchair to effectively stand me upright. It's good for my body strength and helps to keep the bones from crumbling.In addition I think the psychological benefit is huge. I stand for an hour to an hour and a half. During this time I can move around, so I watch TV or go through to the kitchen and instruct my carer about dinner.

Alex stayed over last night and we had grilled lamb chops with roast potatoe and roast carrots seasoned with fresh thyme. Not bad.

This morning I helped him make a creamy oat porridge. This was just the start he needed because he wanted to clean my car for some money to buy a CD. Well I really support him for these jobs because he is so thorough. True to form he did a top job,inside and out. Well worth it.



Carers change today and Alex went home so Saturday night will be TV time!

Its a lovely day today.

Sunshine and clear sky.
Frost.
Then all of a sudden snow!
Tiny, hardly perceptible, pristine.
Then a rush of white flakes that cover the imperfect earth.
The steady rays of the distant sun gently reveal the earth again.
Like the memory of a recent kiss,
the glistening earth remembers...