As I sit here, at the end of the day, the lengthening shadows streching out to draw in the night. I have mixed feelings of peace and sadness. The emotion not matured but bubbling through my concious is beginning to tell the tale. I am always concious about the irrefutable logic that my injuries are simply the result of an accident. My heart believes a purpose and some test underly this sobering nightmare. The gripping hope, that, there may be some good to come of this suffering daily grind. Hope is like a candle and it can brighten the darkness and chase away the choking black of loneliness.

Can I hope? Is the futility of hope a lost cause? I don't know. I know once I lose hope, I am drowned in the darkness. So I cling to a hope, not a grand hope to regain my health and former life. No. A hope that a purpose and challenge will reveal itself. To retreat now, would be defeat.

I have 5-10% of the capacity and strength of a healthy individual but enough drive for 3 lives. This may leave me at a deficit but I want to use my little strength to make a difference. My children are the immediate priority. Finding new ways to reach out and show them I love them and to teach them to love and accept themselves...

Now the World Cup dominates the TV here and easily draws one into moment. I might just catch the 2nd half of the Poland Germany game. I can't take sides. Both countries have fathered good friends to me.