The extended warm season continues. Today is warm (15 deg) and best of all sunny. We set the clocks back so an extra hour in bed today. I'm going to update you on the last 3 days.

Friday was expected to be warm and sunny but after deciding to go boating the weather clouded over and remained at a measely 12 degrees with a nasty breeze. Not to be put-off I went ahead with my plan and went boating. Alan works as a ranger at this great reservoir.So he arranged a wheelchair boat and we set off for some fishing and boating. It was great! An experience I never anticipated having in a wheelchair. I include a few pics to give you a glimpse of the fun, brrr...






Yesterday I remembered I had invited the kids over for a roast beef. So after getting up, went shopping, bought a roast and sundries, came back and started preparing. Well it was great we sat around,laughing, joking and enjoying the company and the bond we share.

I had a good birthday yesterday.I woke up in a bad state and took awhile to recover. I constantly find myself having to put up with moody people. Nobody is moody all the time, I am seldom moody. I do however, get depressed or low. I seldom let this be felt outside of me.But I can't stand rude,moody behaviour. If its never discussed or made reference to it becomes a shroud and shadows then suspiciously hang over the good bits. Whilst you pause any further involvement till you understand... This can effect intimate relationships clearly, but not being in one for years I now report, with authority, that it affects all other relationships as well.

My children and Colleen came over yesterday with some lovely well thought out gifts. Those kids are really special and have such lovely personalities. All I ever wanted for my children was that they would be happy in their own skins. To accept themselves with love and forgiveness.

Its late and I am tired. I struggle to keep going these days. I just have to keep going.

Ecademy has occupied my brain today as I try to get myself geared up for business. The idea is to network and market myself using the web. Takes a lot of time, but you get to e-meet many people.
My domestic situation is a mess with care arrangements all over the place. I hope I can get it sorted, but it gets to you to deal with this all over again.

River

I slip
I slide
I drift on a liquid streams
Weightless
Helpless but relaxed
Immersed not wet - not cold
Passing scenes interrupt

Desert

Soft, trickling, smooth, cool, sand
volcanic, unyielding, jagged rocks
juxtaposed
meaningless?

Fragments of unconscious dreams that I remember from my months after the accident when I began to awake after a few weeks.

I had to get these down to stop them. I constantly try to find meaning and some hope by understanding them. There are others, these are uniquely sensorical and words cannot capture the memory of how they feel. Reminders like a glimpse of soft, smooth skin, a shoulder or a cheek raised by a smile, can bring back dream.

Well either the antibiotics are working or I was recovering, I feel a lot better. Apart from the occasional cough, full recovery is eminent. Thanks to you all for your wishes and encouragement.

My meeting today was a real shocker as I was told that my understanding of the offer to me was worse than I thought and I now have to make my mind up. This puts a lot more pressure on me and I am very nervous now. OK, the good news is Jemma came to see me with work. This piece of work may just get me started on a positive note. Thanks Jem you have been a gem.

Antibiotics appear to be working but give me the runs... 'nuff said.

If you have joined in my LinkedIn network or ecademy, I would love to hear what you think. I think our future will be dominated by these virtual networks of real people. Clearly a great tool for people to manage this typically, informal structure. If you wanna join or check it out go to the links on the rhs.

Its day 3 now of antibiotics.I had a visit from the doctor on Friday and found out I had now developed bronchitis. Not serious yet. So after 2 full days of antibiotics I have a slight improvement.

I picked up Ruth yesterday. We went to a local pub for a drink and I secretly hoped we would catch the Liverpool match. No such luck. Ruth enjoyed herself and sat opposite me and nattered away like a cascading waterfall. We were talking about smoking and drinking and it was intresting to hear her opinion. She has some very strong opinions and is adamant that she "will never do these". Although at 10 years we might all say this, she has the character to actually stick with it. I remember when the kids were small (3 or 4), I would play role play games. With Ruth I would say "You be Dad and I'll be you ". She wouldn't do it. Instead insisting, she was Ruth and I was Dad. Very sweet, and this characteristic for correctness is still there today.

I was so encouraged by the comments in the last entry. Thanks all!

Let me tell you about the last few days. (What I can make sense of, at any rate.. ) Well I have been at my worst level of illness since leaving hospital 2 years ago. In fact, yesterday I was so bad I stayed in bed for the day. I haven't done this for ages, because I hate lying in bed. So unable to sleep for days now I hoped to catch up. No such luck! I just lay there like the last few nights, alternating between hot and cold and sneezing.

On top of this I have had temporary carers. Trying to direct my care and think about the appropriate treatment for my cold whilst weak, disheartened and exhausted was hard to do. This is the price for living alone and being so independent.

I am due to go into meeting with HR in the next few days. I think it's my final meeting (by the tone of the letter). I am disappointed by the sourness. I have always been a faithfull employee and my cautiousness and nervousness has been met by suspicion and resentment. I have accepted my redundancy and simply wish to proceed carefully.

Phew! Eeaaargh!*@&*! What a fight to keep going in the last few days. I have been physically drained by the effects of my cold/MRSA combination. It feels OK some days but then flares up with a vengence. The result is sneezing,spluttering and violent movements in the chair. I can't control this and it stops work for 10 minutes while recovery and clean-up are progressed.

Thanks for encouraging me to write today, I would not have had the strength.

I am onto my 3rd carer in 3 days. The last 2 are temporarily filling in but without proper training of my specific situation everything is slower and more difficult.

Work is tough under these circumstances and inspiration illusive. I need to crack on.

Today I had a really bad day, low in all respects. I find that I would like to do something constructive in moments like this. So I am going to update you on strengths (as promised). OH, by the way, thanks for all the encouraging comments you are great readers. Don't feel you have to always encourage me I do need a wake up now and then.

Do you know your strengths? What are they? Can you list them? I bet you know your weaknesses. If you have been appraised or had a personal development plan, then you will know about your weaknesses.

Strengths are based on your talents and "easy flow " behaviours. Things you do well without trying. Often when combined with a learnt skill they are more obvious. For example you have a good eye for shape and colour, when combined with a skill for drawing you can see graphic design as a strength but it could also be turned into architecture.

Take a look this list of 34 strengths (from the book "Now, Discover Your Strengths"
by Marcus Buckingham , Donald O. Clifton)see for blurb https://www.strengthsfinder.com/faq/$LINGO/0/0/booksite/en/learn_more_home.html

The list from the book with my top 5 in red) :

Achiever
People strong in the Achiever theme have a great deal of stamina and work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.
Activator
People strong in the Activator theme can make things happen by turning thoughts into action. They are often impatient.

Adaptability
People strong in the Adaptability theme prefer to "go with the flow." They tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.
Analytical
People strong in the Analytical theme search for reasons and causes. They have the ability to think about all the factors that might affect a situation.
Arranger
People strong in the Arranger theme can organize, but they also have a flexibility that complements this ability. They like to figure out how all of the pieces and resources can be arranged for maximum productivity.
Belief
People strong in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.
Command
People strong in the Command theme have presence. They can take control of a situation and make decisions.
Communication
People strong in the Communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters.
Competition
People strong in the Competition theme measure their progress against the performance of others. They strive to win first place and revel in contests.
Connectedness
People strong in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason.
Context
People strong in the Context theme enjoy thinking about the past. They understand the present by researching its history.
Deliberative
People strong in the Deliberative theme are best described by the serious care they take in making decisions or choices. They anticipate the obstacles.
Developer
People strong in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.
Discipline
People strong in the Discipline theme enjoy routine and structure. Their world is best described by the order they create.
Empathy
People strong in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situations.
Consistency
(formerly Fairness) People strong in the Consistency theme are keenly aware of the need to treat people the same. They try to treat everyone in the world with consistency by setting up clear rules and adhering to them.
Focus
People strong in the Focus theme can take a direction, follow through, and make the corrections
necessary to stay on track. They prioritize, then act.
Futuristic
People strong in the Futuristic theme are inspired by the future and what could be. They inspire others with their visions of the future.
Harmony
People strong in the Harmony theme look for consensus. They don’t enjoy conflict; rather, they seek areas of agreement.
Ideation
People strong in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.
Includer
(formerly Inclusiveness) People strong in the Includer theme are accepting of others. They show awareness of those who feel left out, and make an effort to include them.
Individualization
People strong in the Individualization theme are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively.
Input
People strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.
Intellection
People strong in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are
introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.
Learner
People strong in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.
Maximizer
People strong in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb.
Positivity
People strong in the Positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.
Relator
People who are strong in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.
Responsibility
People strong in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.
Restorative
People strong in the Restorative theme are adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it.
Self−Assurance
People strong in the Self−assurance theme feel confident in their ability to manage their own lives. They possess an inner compass that gives them confidence that their decisions are right.
Significance
People strong in the Significance theme want to be very important in the eyes of others. They are independent and want to be recognized.
Strategic
People strong in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues.
Woo
People strong in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person.