Can you believe this the CD I said I was searching for has gone out of production, such a grind. Nostalgia can be so easy but keep it locked up as a thought and you will be OK!

How about the story I received from Fiona by e-mail today. Our paths overlapped when we spent a few months on the same hospital ward. Fiona writes lovely detailed letters about her new life in France. This last letter has cute story about her cat which I include below (Fiona rents holiday cottage called Les-Cerises, just click on the link on my link list)

This will make you laugh. On Saturday our fluffy cat disappeared in the morning. I was getting more and more anxious and even starting to feel sick. At about 3 pm I went into the back yard and called him and thought I heard a pathetic squeak from next door. Initially I thought he was in the garage, which was odd because it was all closed up as the neighbour has been away for two weeks and then as I went down the side of the house I realised that the meowing was not coming from the garage but from the chimney and he had fallen down the inside of the chimney. Now I was really worried because I thought he was in her house and covering it with soot or peeing on her carpet but another neighbour assured me that I need not worry about that as the chimney had been sealed at the bottom. Now I was nearly hysterical as you can imagine, he was stuck inside a blocked up chimney!! Very bad news and the lady was still on holiday!! Lucky for the cat she came back that evening and when we went round to see her she couldn't believe that the cat was up the chimney but a further piece of luck the chimney is not sealed merely closed by a heavy metal flap and once this was raised out dropped the cat!!!! I thought he would be covered in soot and completely black but no!! Her chimney is as clean as her house and he didn't even have a bitof smut on him. Little sod!! he has been very clingy for the last couple of days!!!

I had a good weekend. Which started with a successful and enjoyable wine tasting. Such a lot of wine! The Berberana Rioja (2001) was overwhelmingly liked followed by Backsberg Pinotage (2001) SA. Favourite snack was a cheese biscuit with my mothers home made Chilli Jam.

On Saturday Jenny arrived to see me we popped to the local for a pint of bitter before grabbing a video rental and ordering a pizza. We watched Kinky Boots (great movie about the local shoe industry) munching pizza and popcorn.

Yesterday we visited Alan at the marina and had a great roast whilst enjoying the boats in the harbour.

Jenny with Me post lunch

Since Tuesday I have a few items to update.

I had the "group" over on Tuesday night. Which ended late with John and I chatting about fruit trees. (I subsequently have purchased through John; a cherry,a plum and an apple.)

I have had to invest in a new TV as the existing TV is about to depart from a working life. I have consequently streched the budget to a Samsung LE32R41BD (32 inch,Flat Screen).

Last night Colleen and the kids showed up to show off her new Ford Focus Zetec.

Tonight I am hosting a cheese and wine tasting. 5 couples. We will be doing 3 Spanish, Chillean, French, and South African. should be good. Might be a late night.

Its time to go to my Colworth office. It's been a slow start to the day and after last night (during which I woke up every hour) I am not very alert.

Cold Wet English day!

I will try write something another time!

As the Sunday afternoon slowly slides into night. The murmers in my heart creep cautiously into the concious. I am alone with them as I listen to their whispers.

I know our craving for constant entertainment and with it stimulation are modern issues, a consequence of the urgency our lives dictate. A "side effect" of the bitter pill to be a success. If this is the measure, I don't see the point anymore. I don't feel good about my old measures of success and satisfaction. They steal away the heart and slowly but surely the heart dies. A pornographic substitute of plastic and paper replaces the flesh.

Spend time with your heart, listen to its quiet voice, consider carefully its cry. You can replace it with plastic but you can't live without it.

As it heads for the weekend I feel like a lot has been achieved. I helped Colleen buy a car. (FORD FOCUS) I have my heating working properly after 3 years. Fixed a problem on the wheelchair control (it has broken several times). Finally I have managed to post a few Bloggs this week.

Jane is off today and I am ready to wind down.

I'm waiting for a reply to an invitation to the neighbours (John and Linda, for a wine tasting tonight.

This weekend I have both Carmen and Ruth to stay. They normally get on well together so its good fun.

I know my posts are a bit weird and depressive, but I am low man. People don't know me, I'm just the "tragic friend "about which you can talk about. "Have you heard about Julius? He is in a wheelchair "

I would not recommend this as a path to character building. I think I have enough character!

But, God help me, it's lonely. When people write to me it's like an invisible hand. Reassuring me.

Someone I love said that they only have 20 years of fun left. I never thought about that. I am too busy struggling with today.

"Hate" is a strong word. I never use it lightly. It can be consuming.It can rot you away from the inside. It takes your clarity and objectivety. It drowns out your life.

But I hate this empty existence. Unable to love and to be a part of life. Floundering on the edges with only memories.

I have loved. I have been loved. My love has gone. No longer by my side.

All I ever wanted was to be loved. Totally. Completely.

Hate.

It's been a week since my last post. I have not been able sit down and write. Not because of any specific physical reason but a deep lethargy, possibly laziness, and a deleterious attitude to self and to life. An attitude which rots the soul, destroys laughter and motivation. I have lived like a robot, reactively responding to events with a negative shrug of resignation.

It has to stop or I will sink into the slimy pit of self-pity. The seductive call of failure is a powerful temptation. A soft voice, urging, chiding my stubbornness.

Damn. Damn. Damn.


It's exhausting to write about this but I have to. If I was OK, my heart wouldn't ache, my dreams wouldn't be empty, my world so dimm and full of echoes.

Echoes. How I hate echoes. They remind me of emptiness, of loneliness, of self answered calls. Mocking.

I have just wasted an hour trying to do something on the PC.I was doing a search, which should have taken 5 minutes, instead I gave up after an hour. The system I use follows my face. As I move the mouse moves correspondingly. Some programs cause the PC to slow right down and movement of the mouse becomes painfully slow as it slowly follows my face. Aargh. I am too stuborn to stop.

Anyway, I am trying to get a copy of Eloise Concerto by Rouge. (circa 1970) It was put onto a CD called Disco Fever.

If you know how to get it let me know .

I was meant to go to work today but don't feel well.

I hope someone is going to help me with the questions at the end of the last blogg.

2nd Post today so read both!

I received great feedback on the last e-mail I sent about "Clever Words" so now I include it and some really good ideas from David and a challenge which I need your help with.
So

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.


Here are this year's {2005} winners:

1. Intaxication:
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.):
The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy:
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.):
The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti:
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm:
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte:
To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis:
Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis:
A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon:
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.):
The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido:
All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.):
The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.):
Satan, in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.):
The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus:
A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.


My previous post for more.
(on Dec 15)


David's letter

1 GLAUCOMMA A disease common among inefficient proof readers.
2 METROPOLISH Warsaw subway.
3 PANCRETIN Idiot cook.
4 PHILHORMONIC Sexy orchestra.
5 ENDOCINE Irritating friend who can't resist telling you how films
end.
6 RATINALE Mediaeval delicacy.
7 BRONCOSPASM Mounted orgasm.

and a challenge...

Did I tell you about the word game I invented? It's called IF YOU CAN'T...
Here's an example :

IF YOU CAN'T GET IN TOUCH WITH FRED'S OPTICIAN ...
CONTACT LENS.

Can you complete this one?

IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD A CARPET ...

Or this?

IF YOU CAN'T GET SATISFACTION FROM ONE WOMAN ...

send me your answers and I'll put them up on the site

Had a clever picture from Alison in St Kitts.

Thanks Alison it made me laugh!

Well I am exhausted, a week of not being too busy but enough to be tired of reading the screen.

I had a couple of responses to the e-mail I mentioned in an earlier post. One which I half expected to get (patronising and dull) and one which was a surprise. I have engaged into an e-mail discussion with the latter.

I get too passionate about ideas. I am constantly worried about being over zealous!Ha, good 'ol passion. We can't live without it and when we get it we don't know what to do with it.

It's a bit warmer today 2-3 degrees. Last night was really chilly with -5 degrees! So you spoilt people in Africa just remember how lucky you are!

Does anyone know how to programme a PDA (palm computer) or do you know how I can get some programming done?

You may remember, last week I sent off an e-mail I had felt inspired to write after hearing a radio interview. I sent it to some influencial people not expecting a reply but just wanted to have my say! I will let you know if anything transpires (don't hold your breath).

I went to see Ian and John yesterday. It was good to talk about ideas and science again. I really enjoyed it. I felt inspired to do more.


Tell me this:

If I say preserved food, what comes to mind?


Your thoughts and time are much appreciated.