I come to the end of another weekend. Silence... but for the TV at low volume as Debbie (one of the carers) does her favourite thing. It's quite a thing (good English), to have 24hr care. More about that some other time.

The point I was going to make is, the silence is the contrast between a house full of kids and then nothing. I had them all over for lunch and tea. Carmen had been wanting to try her hand at baking a cake. So yesterday I decided to use the opportunity to talk whilst she prepared it. I also used the time to teach her a few basic disciplines of kitchen craft. You know like, planning the task, putting ingredients away and pouring without spilling etc. The cake was a perfect layer sponge topped with butter icing.We sprinkled peppermint crisp chocolate over the top with Carmen adding a decidedly fishy character by sticking fish shaped jellies round the side. These were highly favoured and they were finished before the cake.

I have just put my new Bob Dylan on (Modern Times ) it's great!

Living with care
Well should I tell you about living with 24hr care? It is essential for a person with my level of disability. Mostly with my condition they require 2 carers. I could not live with that level of intrusion into my life. Carers are very good. They give me space. I can understand the bad reputation tetraplegics (quadriplegics) have for treating carers like objects, it is a protection. Whilst this experience is simply a job for the carers from which they leave and go back to their lives. For us it offers no time off and no respite. The carers may come and go, each takes a piece of you when they leave.

No matter how big or small a piece of your life is dissipated. You have to share every private part of your day. Sometimes the only refuge is the thoughts you think. The darkness and silence of the night can be a bitter sweet chance to feel human. However, it is also the time when your thoughts begin to drift and slowly the caged emotions and longing for real relationship, rises.

So you learn that they will go and you try but fail, to not be upset, until the next time.