On Wednesday John and Linda came over and I hosted them for dinner. The menu:

• Greek Salad
• Roast Chicken with pork, sage,and corn stuffing.
• Roast carrots seasoned with thyme.
• Roast potatoe
• fresh green beans
• Linda brought a Pavlova with mango and syrup and ginger
• All accompanied with good wine

John had his birthday on Thursday and Debbie on Wednesday. So we enjoyed the occasion.

Last night went to John B for dinner and we enjoyed good roast vegetables and a Tuna kedgeree.
What a great meal!

It's getting cold now as Autumn draws in.Even though it's sunny its cold.

I missed the kids this weekend. With Carmen and Ruth performing in Mulan and Alex's football I can't keep in touch with them.

Even though I have been busy, I still find the loneliness and solitude very difficult. My heart carries the pressure and pain of the hurts and dreams and hopes that can't be shared.

Where has all the fun gone?

I couldn't sleep last night I was concerned about an incident of extreme selfishness. I went to watch my son play football. The team he trains with played a match. So we get all geared up. He adores football and will do anything to play. He played well the week before and was expecting to play. I don't get to be with Alex like I used to and wanted to watch him.

The match started with Alex as a substitute from there it just got worse. Everyone else was given a part but the coach didn't want to "break the flow " in the team while they were winning. I was disgusted. The competitiveness and the obvious favouritism broke my heart. Why do parents bring selfish ambition to a schoolboy game and lose the main objective which is to take part?

Alex full of expectation.

I thought it was time to have an update on the garden. I have given a few details about each.

View from deck toward the back. In front flowers along the deck.Herb garden to the left followed by strawberries and herbs.

Poets Place.

Strawberries and herbs.

Herbs.

Cabbages at the back of the garden.

Squash!

Runner Beans right at the back.

I never really finished my post on Monday. I was interrupted by the doorbell. It was my friend John. We had some tea and a long talk. Poor chap is suffering with stress and just needs to talk and I can't do much, so I listen.

I was going to write about the few weeks I spent here with my mother and brother. We had 2-3 weeks together. There was an overlap with my kids, when they spent a few days here. This was a very busy time and we have never all been together for such a long time. The really enjoyed themselves and I felt they bonded well with the family.

So I have never really recovered from the time of frenzy! Now I have to focus every moment on my business future or I just won't recover my momentum.

I feel very afraid. I am not sure I can do this. I need such different characteristics to the diy mentality I currently try to work with.

I have 3 business ideas I am toying with, the current consultancy, a small consumer product, and a business with disabled people to offer business advice, and products for disability living.

Sometimes you start without where you are headed. You don't know what you are doing but it is too late to think about it as you find yourself staring at the computer screen. Sounds like this might be such a time.

The Radio on Friday morning had a piece on a a Journal entry in the latest Lancet. This was about the link between mental health and other medical problems. I wrote about the importance of mental health about 18 months ago, to our research director. No success and I am gratified to see its back.

A busy at emotional few weeks have passed. My updates have stopped and in some way so have I. I will not describe to you all I have been through. It has been a time of happiness and a time of sadness. My heart is heavy. I will tell you some news.

3 weeks ago my mom came from SA for a visit, a week later my brother arrived to help me with a few jobs. They left on Thursday the 30th August and I have an empty house again. We had many things to achieve. My family are an important support for me. Helping me to get things done that I need to achieve but can't find appropriate people. Rodney is an excellent craftsman and electronic engineer. My mom helps me to think through problems and to organise my stuff. Mom also left me with 3 large tins of biscuits and rusks.

So I should be happy. Instead I am sad. My house is empty again. I feel empty.