Damn it's tough to drag yourself from mindless, fruitless pursuits especially when a world of frivolous patisserie are just a click away. Discipline is especially tough considering that choices of independent activity are so limited. My wanderings in cyber space are made even more vain and unproductive by the disproportionate effort and time they waste.

So I return to writing. Describing the lonely existence that accompanies paralysis. I know it will be difficult to convey my world and even more difficult to comprehend.

I sat in my bathroom this morning, thinking. I thought about the day ahead, about the week passed and about the empty, nagging thoughts that seem to consume my moments of solitude lately. They are thoughts which lead nowhere. They have little purposefulness. They succeed only to remind me of my helpless, ineffective state and the devastating loss of my situation. They always end in me asking God for forgiveness. I have no idea what for, perhaps for my shameful self-pity.

In any case a cup of coffee awaits and I must go.