How do I write something when feeling so empty? Boredom and discipline drive me to communicate. I live a life with the appearance of order and purpose. It is expected. There are many who I share my world with, they need me to be happy.
I have an inner world that is unlike any world I can describe. I have many well worn areas which are in daily use. They are familiar, automatic and necessary. The forbidden zones are no longer safe and contain predatory roving psychotic thoughts thirsty for destruction. These areas are neighbours to the red light zone. Purposeless journeys into the red light zone can often stray into the forbidden zone and get hopelessly lost. This dangerous mistake can take days to recover from, never without scars.
Next to the red light district is a playground. This is a healthy place. Perspectives and proportions are easily maintained. The playground has no dark areas. It is a place of magic, of 24/7 sunshine. Spending time in the playground can be easy with some people. Others seem to shy away from happiness and prefer the endless traffic circles in the run down slums. This is a wasteland of grumpiness and self-pity. All the roads here lead to the forbidden zone. So, in my world I stay away from here.
Where am I today? I don't have a clue. I feel like an obsessive gambler, dumbstruck and numb after a poor day at the races.
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