So here I sit, on a Wednesday night, writing a a few halting words about the life I try to maintain in the wheelchair state I find myself. It's hard to imagine anyone reads this but in truth that is the reason I write.
OK, so today I want to talk about sex. It's not a subject a wheelchair suffer, or tetraplegic may think about in your reckoning. Or maybe you are curious but haven't known how to ask. Maybe you don't want to know.
It might surprise you but, women are more likely to leave a disabled partner than the other way round. (from a reliable Dr)
So it goes like this, just because a man or woman is disabled, doesn't stop the bodies sex drive. Some people didn't have much of a sex drive in the first place. So it is no big deal to cope with. Others are tormented by the frustration and all others fall between these extremes. If I tell you about myself, do you promise to keep it secret?
(Mom/Dad you may wish not to read this but I don't mind)
I am in the frustrating situation where sexual function remains completely intact, (bar a few idiosyncratic developments). As a person who had a healthy appetite, the current scenario does create tension. For while the opportunities have arisen I am and have always been, unwilling to give myself to someone I don't love.
Clearly ambiguous and slightly out of touch with modern attitudes.I have coped with this in the past through physical activity and motorbikes. I had a positive outlook and high standards for myself. I did have an indescretion on one occasion but that is another story.
I find it increasingly dispararaging when I am out in public. I am assaulted by the beauty and feminity of the female form. It hauntingly entices me to think about, to consider my sexual needs. There is a fleeting moment of optimistic hope, before a reflection of a person in a wheelchair in a shop window shatters the illusion and drags me back to reality. There was a girl I liked. About 2 years ago. I was helping with the demonstration of my computer setup for some interested people. She seemed like someone I could enjoy getting to know. She didn't think so and turned down my dinner invite. That was it.
6 comments:
You wrote: "It's hard to imagine anyone reads this but in truth that is the reason I write."
Keep writing ... I'm reading.
Gee thanks. I will keep on and you keep the comments flying in.
Hi Julius,
it's always a pleasure for me to read you for many reasons. Would you like to have 2 of them?
- I like to have news and know in this way how you are doing
- you address "tricky" themes in your honest and open way
To talk or write about sex is surely one of them. Hot subject !!!!
I understand what you write. I think that it can also be like that for a person that is not in a wheelchair but who as you doesnt' want to take it too lightly. You will argue that it is very different because the perspective are not the same even if at some stage the situation is identical.
I see this a bit differently because I think that you being in a wheelchair doesn't make you unattractive or uninteresting neither as a person nor as a male. It may put the "threshold to start a relationship " higher, but I do not think that it makes them impossible.
There is hope! The good news is also that there are many ways to have a relationship. And yes, sex is good and it can be frustrating to have to be without, but other experiences are good as well !
I do not know if this comparison is valid but let me try.
Fresh bread is excellent and if I were asked if I prefere fresh or old bread I would never hesitate ... but fact is I have better memories of a piece of old bread that I ate when I was really hungry and had no possibility to eat anything else ....that was most pleasurable !
Please do continue to share your experience and feelings with us ...
I have thought a lot about what you wrote here and you are right about the attractiveness of what seems unattainable. The fresh bread to me is a great example. I go through some bad phases and wonder how I will ever cope.
She prob! had big ears! anyway! wot you want is a good bush bitch! riding bear back on a zebra! ha
alg.
Hi Julius,
I read your blog most days and I find what you say very educational and thought-provoking. Being in a wheelchair does not make you less attractive. In my personal opinion, it is someone's mind that many women are attracted to and not just a man's body. That certainly is true for me.
We all face problems in our lives, including sexual and relationship ones. You are not alone, please remember that.
ex-resident of number 1 Lee Cottages
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