There have been some encouraging comments in the last few blog postings and I am grateful. I started the weekend by having beer and curry and watching a movie. Friday night!

Today I get all 3 kids and I hope we have a good time. I will take Alex through using his new microscope and let the girls loose in the kitchen. Tonight we will watch movies and have popcorn.

Tomorrow is an early start and off to watch Carmen play netball.

When you get down and there is no-one to pick you up, or even notice. When you wake up and do a full day because you are afraid of becoming so low you can't get restarted. This has been my week. A lot has happened I will try and tell you about it,but my spirit is low and I can't find myself.

I don't know where to start. I have been hoping to attend a lent course in town at a the church, in preparation for Easter. But I missed 3 due to school parent nights, illness and now my wheelchair control is broken so I have hardly moved for days.

Here's a picture.

On Saturday I was due to pick up Ruth for the remainder of the weekend. As I was ill and had awake all night my carer took the car and picked her up. We had a good day just chatting whilst I helped her bake a 2 layer cake for Alex's birthday tea the next day.

Take a look at these


Note the delicious 2 layer cake (chocolate and vanilla) with a cream filling. It was delicious. His first gift was a small magnifying system that he needed to use to read the clue to find his gift. (below) a proper microscope with video attachment.

I can't write at the moment but read this Poems and Thoughts

I have put up a basic site for my business and I will start to develop this as soon as I'm able. To take a look, try Ladwig Consumer Insight.

Any offers to help shape it please write to me.

By the way, you might be wondering what happened in my son's tests today, well he had 3 multiple-choice papers. (I call them multiple-guess and they tell you little about a child's ability) They went well but I always feel a disquiet about this type of paper so I will wait for the result. On a positive note he was the team star in a football match after the tests.

My temp PA came in today, it went OK.

The day draws to an end. The week with it.I spent the day keeping an ear and eye on Alex as he does final preparation for his tests on Monday. How blessed I am to have a 14 (almost 15) year old that listens to me and respects me as I cough and splutter as we talk about his Science.

I have bought him a microscope with computer camera for his 15th birthday on the 19th March. It will make a change from football paraphernalia but I think it's time to develop his mind.

My PA is on holiday for 2 weeks so I have a sexy little temp in for 2 hours a day. No joke, I was expecting a middle aged lady. So I was surprised. Time will tell if she is any good.

This TV show on Tuesday is for a TV program regarding a big show on Disability and rehabilitation see Naidex (in April)

The days are flying by.It's tough to work out where its going. I have this great client there has so many areas I can help with. I am definitely stressed out as I seek to deliver real world solutions to make a difference to them. I am working with an ex-girlfriend and ex-colleague. This is working well as I find the common work experience enormously positive to quicker, fluent discussion.

This weekend is for my son. I hope to fetch him tomorrow and we will work at the final preparation for his science exam.

I will be interviewed for TV on Tuesday for a show about community care.

It's really warmed up around here with 10-11 degrees. Maybe spring is on the way at last...

I have found that my blog is finding readers on every continent. Most come from Europe and U and South Africa. But I am seeing friends in America, Australia, Eastern Europe and China. Although South America is represented this is not significant. Keep coming and please make comments!

Some of you may ask how business is? A valid question to ask of a single, recently redundant, severely disabled man who is trying to setup a business. Well I have received no income, I have one client and nothing in the pipeline. Otherwise, not bad.

I would like to thank Anonymous for the feedback. To let you know its much appreciated and did mean something.

So what do you all think about the stock market jitters in the past week? Yikes, I depend on businesses that need advice. I certainly don't want to see this get worse!

In response to the last comment. I have been sick for last few days. Not enough to stay in bed but enough to make every minute a strain. You may wonder why.So did I. I was told that overall I have a 5-10% body strength which helps me to sit up etc. So in a normal day I have a constant battle against the forces of gravity which pull me down into a slumped position (which I hate). As you can imagine, slight illness can make this a huge and difficult battle.

I have had my e-mail go down for the last 5 days and I am not happy.

I spent the day with my son Alex on Sunday. We spent several hours revising some science before watching the football.

Last night I went to his school for a very poorly arranged parents teachers evening. The boy has great cognitive ability and poor scores.I don't know how to help him with his poor motivation and focus.

I would just love to do more.

What a ghastly day. Just felt yuch the whole time. Anyway found this quote and would like to hear your view.

I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It's one of the curses of London.

E. M. Forster (1879-1970)

Is this the price for city living?

What about the effect of the web and virtual relationships ?

What next?

Ruth's Introduction to my Blog

I have been yearning to sit down and update you all on the crazy goings-on of my convoluted life.There is always some priority I feel I must attend to first, by the end of which, I have too little time to do a thorough job.

There's work, health, farewells and hellos to talk about. Not to mention, leisure or should I describe it as active parenting. Much debate about whether leisure is the appropriate term in this case and so I will clarify this by saying that I view it as a time when I don't actively think about my work.

How does one work effectively with a person that was part of your life in a very powerful way and at all levels?

I don't like to "let go" of people. I like to remain at peace with people who mean something to me, or have done in the past. So I always keep a door open. Difficulties in relationships are seldom caused by malicious intent and this mixed responsibility is an important learning opportunity. I was very nervous about whether this was a good idea regarding a situation I faced. I needed some office assistance and they had some time. Going from the context of our past to this new situation, meant boundaries needed to be established and care taken to ensure maintainance of working standards.

I have to say it's working well and I have seen a big improvement.

Now last week was a busy time for me. I did as much as I could on Monday to Wednesday knowing that on Thursday and Friday I would be out.On Thursday to a hospital appointment in Stoke Mandeville Hospital, Aylesbury. A 4 hour round trip. I used my time there to see nurses, friends and doctors who I had known. I got home late.

Friday was a lunch and a farewell from friends and colleagues at work. More about this as soon as the pictures arrive!

This weekend was an opportunity to spend time with my children, as Ruth was busy I had the other 2,Alex and Carmen over. They went through a stage when they were younger of irritating each other over everything. Now they get on well together and seem to enjoy each other's company. We went to watch the local football team, Rushden and Diamonds They won, which is always a bonus for sitting in the cold.

After the game we grabbed a video and watched a soppy movie which Carmen mistook for a comedy.

Waking up this morning I found easy as I had spent the night half awake, as usual. The other 2 slept till eleven and we had tea and biscuits. After spending time outside and a phone call informing us our plan to have lunch with my friend was cancelled. I offered to teach them how to bake scones. They loved that. Polishing off a batch of scones between them.

I have to say a day like today is just for coffee, chocolate cake and a good book. As I can't do that anymore, I will write this blog...

So I slept well waking up at my usual time of 3am but managing to fall back asleep. When I woke again at 5 the radio had a short piece which stuck with me. It was about being in a hurry. We have made a virtue out of being busy. We are proud that we somehow fill our lives with endless activity. What I enjoyed in that piece was the story about a reporter and a vietnamese man. They were travelling through the countryside while the journalist wrote his article. On one occasion they sat under a tree for lunch. When they were done, the man looked at the journalist and said, "Some day I must teach you to eat an orange."
"What do you mean? I have just finished one!", he replied.
"Well when you ate it you peeled it, put a segment in your mouth, then began seperating another piece. Which you held in your hand. You never thought about the orange or enjoyed it ,you were thinking about the next piece. So you never really ate the orange. "

This is so powerful. We have forgotten how to enjoy the moment. Thinking about the next mouthful or next moment deprives the current of it's pleasure.

I asked Ruth to film the gift she bought me for Christmas. I was quite refreshed and a little saddened by it.Let me explain, I laughed when I first saw it because it's so cute an idea; at the same time I was quite heartsore that she remembers that before my accident I would sing just like that! here it is "What a wonderful world "

How can time melt away like it does? I have spent the day doing a mixture of filing and work for a client. I am busy contemplating customer satisfaction studies. I enjoy the work and sometimes the only drawback is my ability to jot down notes as I go. I have had a friend in to help me with the office and this is going quite well. We have almost finished the filing of the backlog afterwhich we will revamp the system and reduce the bulk.

Tomorrow I pick up my youngest,Ruth. We are both looking forward to spending time together. We plan to read, watch a movie and Ruth wants to bake a cake. So a busy time!

My garden wall which I mentioned on the 15th January has now been assessed to belong to the neighbour. I spoke to them today regarding the situation. Isn't it strange that this is the only time I have met them. And it took a broken wall to do it!

Tonight after my dinner I went to my computer, did some work and then had a cuppa and my first slice of mum's fruit cake. Delicious! Smothered in brandy and full of fruit (especially cherries). This was a treat Thanks Mum!

What a day! I have been trying to get my office sorted out as I move into this new "self - employed" life.I have to pay someone for all the assistance I get. However, instructions can be a full time occupation. Tomorrow is a quiet day just for project work.

I have finally got action on a few problems.
My phone needed to be looked at to fix a fault. Although the engineer couldn't repair it they are going to send a new one tomorrow.
My car battery was faulty this was replaced by Chrysler (thanks Karl where ever you are)

However my AEG dishwasher is now faulty and gets stuck on drain. So either get it repaired or replaced. I would do it myself but I can't do this anymore. I am tempted...

I am pleased to see people read this blog. Every time I see it's been read it spurs me on to keep writing into the void. It's a pity it's not more interactive.

Give up shopping for one year?

Great idea! See the link where I found the article by clicking on the title. Now most won't manage 12 months but maybe a reduction to once a quarter! Anyway the article tied in with some thing I heard on BBC Radio 4 this morning.

This chap (I missed his name) travelled the world interviewing people. I think he was a psychologist. He was intrested in mental health. He found that people who prioritised on material things and wealth, tended to have more mental health difficulties. They had very poor relationships and did not prioritise this aspect. Mostly these types of people were English Speakers! He calls this disease Affluenza.

I come to the end of another weekend. Silence... but for the TV at low volume as Debbie (one of the carers) does her favourite thing. It's quite a thing (good English), to have 24hr care. More about that some other time.

The point I was going to make is, the silence is the contrast between a house full of kids and then nothing. I had them all over for lunch and tea. Carmen had been wanting to try her hand at baking a cake. So yesterday I decided to use the opportunity to talk whilst she prepared it. I also used the time to teach her a few basic disciplines of kitchen craft. You know like, planning the task, putting ingredients away and pouring without spilling etc. The cake was a perfect layer sponge topped with butter icing.We sprinkled peppermint crisp chocolate over the top with Carmen adding a decidedly fishy character by sticking fish shaped jellies round the side. These were highly favoured and they were finished before the cake.

I have just put my new Bob Dylan on (Modern Times ) it's great!

Living with care
Well should I tell you about living with 24hr care? It is essential for a person with my level of disability. Mostly with my condition they require 2 carers. I could not live with that level of intrusion into my life. Carers are very good. They give me space. I can understand the bad reputation tetraplegics (quadriplegics) have for treating carers like objects, it is a protection. Whilst this experience is simply a job for the carers from which they leave and go back to their lives. For us it offers no time off and no respite. The carers may come and go, each takes a piece of you when they leave.

No matter how big or small a piece of your life is dissipated. You have to share every private part of your day. Sometimes the only refuge is the thoughts you think. The darkness and silence of the night can be a bitter sweet chance to feel human. However, it is also the time when your thoughts begin to drift and slowly the caged emotions and longing for real relationship, rises.

So you learn that they will go and you try but fail, to not be upset, until the next time.

War on the other hand is such a terrible thing, that no man, especially a Christian man, has the right to assume the responsibility of starting it.

Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

'nuff said,

today's quote from The Free Dictionary

I really never realised just how lonely and empty, my future is likely to be. The emptiness echoes. People stop echoes. I wrote a poem about that some years ago. I was really down. Now I'm not but I have a deeper sense of what lies ahead.

Since my parents left its been work, work, work... I have to make up for lost time. It helps to stay busy and I enjoy creating. Of course when the computer is OK it's great!

Well I have a request, I'm expecting to have funding to pay for a secretary/PA. It pays well and the hours are flexible, but best of all you work with a great guy! Any takers?

I will also recruit a market researcher to help develop clients and improve productivity. So do apply!

Last week my neighbours tree was blown over by 70 mph winds.This demolished my garden wall and landed on the roof. Luckily damage to the roof was minor but the wall is severely damaged (2/3 knocked over). So more drama.