The memory of Christmas, now 4 days old, is reduced to a warm comforting sense of a good time. After opening gifts and enjoying a cuppa and toast we prepared for a late lunch. We had a real feast. Gathered around the kitchen table in a comfortable squeeze we laughed and joked whilst drinking champagne and munching through a smoked salmon starter. Alan and Debbie made the numbers up to 7. The turkey was more than a match for our appetites and seemed hardly changed after we had done our best. We finished off with the traditional pud.
Christmas time spent with family and friends is special and apart from the occasional argument about the contents of a cracker or the whereabouts of some Christmas trinket; there was little negativity to dampen the mood. Instead light banter and laughter, seasoned with smiling eyes was the main course.
If you are following on from my last post; you will remember I was due to present the Open Roads charity to a county council member. It went well and I will aim to repeat the presentation at the council offices to a broader audience.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Christmas tipple
A neatly decorated Christmas tree, alongside the fireplace, and few presents scattered underneath are testament to the approach of Christmas day. I have little to say about the season, except to wish all a love filled time of giving.
The past year has been tumultuous. A year of dramatic developments and some poorly timed health problems. When I was newly injured I was told it would get easier each day. This is not the case. I know life is not meant to be easy. Any brief look at nature will show you how every part of nature has to toil and struggle against the being crushed. Why should we be different? Being a struggle does not preclude beauty and enjoyment. So enjoy every beautiful moment and remember struggle produces character.
These are not the sagacious words of a philosopher, although I been known for philosophical outbursts, instead I count them as hard won learning from the last 6 years of living with paralysis. You will have your own experience and your own lessons.
This year I have been involved in much. The most notable being the launch of a training company called Aide de Vie and a charity called Open Roads. On Monday I be presenting a short presentation on the goals and aims of Open Roads as we compete to win the opportunity to complete our main aim, to develop and run a centre that will meet the needs of people struggling with a physical or mental disability.
We represent a new approach to viewing "disability". Not as as an inability but a different ability. The label "disabled" is no different the apartheid description of people as "non-white". Aside from the the negative implications of the word, it can't be right to describe someone by reference to what they are not! Otherwise women would be non-male and children non-adults. We (society) need to rethink our use of the language before it inadvertently shapes our world. The following posters are examples of the paradigm shift we are going to promote.
So raise your glasses to Open Roads this Christmas and celebrate our different abilities.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday Sojourn
I am having a lazy day today. I woke up at 8:30 and took time to get going. After a shower I was ready to face the world. I received a very welcome phone call from my mom and it was nice to catch up about the family in SA.
Unlike the warm weather in SA, it's icy cold here and the frost doesn't look like shifting in a hurry.
It is rapidly approaching Christmas and tomorrow is the 1st December. I hope you are planning a good time. I expect many will be "cutting back" after the excess we have seen in previous years. This is not a bad thing. For too long we (the 1st world) have squandered our wealth. Investing in a "throw away" lifestyle. Never building a tomorrow but living to the "max". The carousel stopped turning but for some there are no other rides. Many are going to suffer this Christmas and I believe it will be worse in 2009. As I have budgeted and planned for the reminder of the year I have prepared my family for drastic reductions in all areas.
I support a group providing food parcels to pensioners in Zimbabwe and I am saddened and concerned about the plight of these poor people hanging on to life whilst the country leadership quarrel about who sits where at the banquet of political power. Read this November report.
You can support the work directly, if you prefer I am collecting money in the UK and will arrange payment.
Unlike the warm weather in SA, it's icy cold here and the frost doesn't look like shifting in a hurry.
It is rapidly approaching Christmas and tomorrow is the 1st December. I hope you are planning a good time. I expect many will be "cutting back" after the excess we have seen in previous years. This is not a bad thing. For too long we (the 1st world) have squandered our wealth. Investing in a "throw away" lifestyle. Never building a tomorrow but living to the "max". The carousel stopped turning but for some there are no other rides. Many are going to suffer this Christmas and I believe it will be worse in 2009. As I have budgeted and planned for the reminder of the year I have prepared my family for drastic reductions in all areas.
I support a group providing food parcels to pensioners in Zimbabwe and I am saddened and concerned about the plight of these poor people hanging on to life whilst the country leadership quarrel about who sits where at the banquet of political power. Read this November report.
You can support the work directly, if you prefer I am collecting money in the UK and will arrange payment.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
A life of Prime
We get on with our lives. We develop little fillers, supports or mechanisms to make it through the day. Some days are easier than others, some we barely have the strength for as we take to bed earlier than usual. This is the modern world. This is the way. To live our lives to the full.
Is life not meant to be a struggle? Do not the plants and animals fight daily for their survival? Where does it end? I know it well, this way is very familiar. It is well trodden and my footsteps are deep imprints on the earth.
What I have learned is not to be too serious about it and to enjoy the love of others when you can. Each day becomes a week, which becomes a month and then a year. Soon you notice your world has changed and you don't know where it went. This is the modern way. We live our lives at full speed in order that we can slow down one day and begin to enjoy it. So we give away our most vital years to have enjoyment when we are less able.
Is life not meant to be a struggle? Do not the plants and animals fight daily for their survival? Where does it end? I know it well, this way is very familiar. It is well trodden and my footsteps are deep imprints on the earth.
What I have learned is not to be too serious about it and to enjoy the love of others when you can. Each day becomes a week, which becomes a month and then a year. Soon you notice your world has changed and you don't know where it went. This is the modern way. We live our lives at full speed in order that we can slow down one day and begin to enjoy it. So we give away our most vital years to have enjoyment when we are less able.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Lest we forget
Remembrance Day
Why do we say, "Lest we forget"?
Before you read on think about that for second...
STOP and THINK, if you can ask others this question, I would be interested in the responses that you get.
OK.
So, Why do we say, "Lest we forget"?
To be nostalgic and remember the suffering of those men (on both sides) who fought and died in tragic, un-imaginable, torturous circumstances?
To remember their bravery and heroism is right and honorable but there is more to it than that.
We made a promise after the Great War. A promise we break and will continue to break.
Our promise was to learn from that experience and not to repeat it.
We have not only broken this promise as world governments, we break it ourselves, every year. You break it, I break it and so does the rest of the world. But how do we break it?
We look at the past, we muse and sigh at the hopeless suffering and death, at the depravity of needless suffering for the things that the men in the Great War, were fighting over. Our nostalgia is matched by the appreciation for and the bewilderment, at their sacrifice.
Were you against the war in Iraq? Yes of course you were, until it started. Once it started the excitement and fascination with military took over and objections faded. You were caught up, like everyone else, watching TV for every update.
Now, we are angered at the atrocities, the beheadings, suicide bombers, the children dying in Fallujah while Coalition "Smart Bombs" and insurgent mortars obliterate the buildings and infrastructure that sustains them.
So what's different to 1914?
Why do we need the past? The past is history and for your life, you might say, "I don't do post mortems". Think, before you move forward.
Soldiers and sufferers say they would love to forget the war, but can't. But we can, we were never there. We do forget, even with our posters, movies, ceremonies and tattoos. We forget, we forget the promise we made. To forget is to avoid or ignore. A missed chance to learn and grow.
We need the past. We need to remember the past and to do what makes us uniquely human, to learn from our failure.
You cannot change the way Governments and leaders react, never mind be responsible for it. But, you are responsible for yourself. You can change yourself and your behaviour during the events and conflict in your own life and teach your children to do the same. For this you are uniquely responsible.
So remember the war, but don't honour their memory by only being hushed and nostalgic, be constructive with your past and change your future and your children's future, this is the true honour they deserve. For when you see those men and others again, you can stand proud and say, "Thank you I never forgot, I changed my life."
In this way we honour the dead.
In this way, we make our lives the offering to their memory. Not some plastic wreath, or cardboard poppy. A living example of what they taught us.
Let us honour the fallen and "Learn from our past".
Why do we say, "Lest we forget"?
Before you read on think about that for second...
STOP and THINK, if you can ask others this question, I would be interested in the responses that you get.
OK.
So, Why do we say, "Lest we forget"?
To be nostalgic and remember the suffering of those men (on both sides) who fought and died in tragic, un-imaginable, torturous circumstances?
To remember their bravery and heroism is right and honorable but there is more to it than that.
We made a promise after the Great War. A promise we break and will continue to break.
Our promise was to learn from that experience and not to repeat it.
We have not only broken this promise as world governments, we break it ourselves, every year. You break it, I break it and so does the rest of the world. But how do we break it?
We look at the past, we muse and sigh at the hopeless suffering and death, at the depravity of needless suffering for the things that the men in the Great War, were fighting over. Our nostalgia is matched by the appreciation for and the bewilderment, at their sacrifice.
Were you against the war in Iraq? Yes of course you were, until it started. Once it started the excitement and fascination with military took over and objections faded. You were caught up, like everyone else, watching TV for every update.
Now, we are angered at the atrocities, the beheadings, suicide bombers, the children dying in Fallujah while Coalition "Smart Bombs" and insurgent mortars obliterate the buildings and infrastructure that sustains them.
So what's different to 1914?
Why do we need the past? The past is history and for your life, you might say, "I don't do post mortems". Think, before you move forward.
Soldiers and sufferers say they would love to forget the war, but can't. But we can, we were never there. We do forget, even with our posters, movies, ceremonies and tattoos. We forget, we forget the promise we made. To forget is to avoid or ignore. A missed chance to learn and grow.
We need the past. We need to remember the past and to do what makes us uniquely human, to learn from our failure.
You cannot change the way Governments and leaders react, never mind be responsible for it. But, you are responsible for yourself. You can change yourself and your behaviour during the events and conflict in your own life and teach your children to do the same. For this you are uniquely responsible.
So remember the war, but don't honour their memory by only being hushed and nostalgic, be constructive with your past and change your future and your children's future, this is the true honour they deserve. For when you see those men and others again, you can stand proud and say, "Thank you I never forgot, I changed my life."
In this way we honour the dead.
In this way, we make our lives the offering to their memory. Not some plastic wreath, or cardboard poppy. A living example of what they taught us.
Let us honour the fallen and "Learn from our past".
Saturday, October 25, 2008
You will not understand that I can't find the time to keep my posts to this site up to date. I may have free time but I am not physically able to work comfortably and consequently don't achieve a work rate to keep my mind from wandering. This is very boring and dissatisfying and I lose interest in life and work.
I had a relatively productive week and with Liz's help we have sent out 100 brochures about the business and we will be following up this week with a phone call to each company.
It was my birthday on Friday. Thank you all for the cards, texts, phone calls etc ( those who really love me gave me gifts. ha) Anyway I had a great day and stopped work at 3pm to prepare a roast for the kids and Colleen for dinner.
Today Alex will be over to watch Liverpool vs Chelsea. I am a member of the local social club which will be showing the match. Now I need to go and have a coffee before they arrive.
I had a relatively productive week and with Liz's help we have sent out 100 brochures about the business and we will be following up this week with a phone call to each company.
It was my birthday on Friday. Thank you all for the cards, texts, phone calls etc ( those who really love me gave me gifts. ha) Anyway I had a great day and stopped work at 3pm to prepare a roast for the kids and Colleen for dinner.
Today Alex will be over to watch Liverpool vs Chelsea. I am a member of the local social club which will be showing the match. Now I need to go and have a coffee before they arrive.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Catch up
It is a warming sunny day. Temperature is around 19 degrees but should get to 20,21 later. We have had a succession of low pressure systems rolling in from the north west bringing cold rain.
I reaped most of my vegetables but I am still harvesting raspberries, salad leaves and corn. I will be planning my winter crops soon.
I was fortunate to have the assistance of a new PA called Liz. We work well together and I hope it works out.
Open Roads charity work is keeping us busy and we had a full day meeting on Saturday trying to keep up with all that needs to be done.
Went to see John last in the afternoon (Sunday) and drank some wine and chatted to some delightful friends of his. He reaped some vegetables from his allotment and garden which we had for dinner, potatoes, sweetcorn and sundries. I wasn't happy with my helper, he was on the phone throughout, coming off briefly to give me a peanut or two and snatch a handful for himself, before disappearing. I now have to address this before it continues.
I reaped most of my vegetables but I am still harvesting raspberries, salad leaves and corn. I will be planning my winter crops soon.
I was fortunate to have the assistance of a new PA called Liz. We work well together and I hope it works out.
Open Roads charity work is keeping us busy and we had a full day meeting on Saturday trying to keep up with all that needs to be done.
Went to see John last in the afternoon (Sunday) and drank some wine and chatted to some delightful friends of his. He reaped some vegetables from his allotment and garden which we had for dinner, potatoes, sweetcorn and sundries. I wasn't happy with my helper, he was on the phone throughout, coming off briefly to give me a peanut or two and snatch a handful for himself, before disappearing. I now have to address this before it continues.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Time the destroyer
A day, a week, becomes a year and time keeps ticking, advancing relentlessly. I have not been up to my goal to regularly publish my thoughts and experiences. My only defence i the weakness in my body to release my thoughts from the all consuming struggle against the pain and discomfort. Don't get me wrong my pain is minor compared to many who struggle against debilitating agony. So without further delay.
Angela came in to be my assistant. We worked well together and I broadened my ideas and goals to take into account some of the new skills she brought with her. Last weekend however she decided it was more important to be with her boyfriend in Canada and she flew off today. So I start again to search for a suitable PA.
Take a look at the Aide de Vie website and let me know what comments you have.
My car went into the workshop for a test of the battery and system, but they can't find any problems, so its back to square one. I will now rig up a system to plug it into when not in use everyday.
Angela came in to be my assistant. We worked well together and I broadened my ideas and goals to take into account some of the new skills she brought with her. Last weekend however she decided it was more important to be with her boyfriend in Canada and she flew off today. So I start again to search for a suitable PA.
Take a look at the Aide de Vie website and let me know what comments you have.
My car went into the workshop for a test of the battery and system, but they can't find any problems, so its back to square one. I will now rig up a system to plug it into when not in use everyday.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Battle against it
I write today, not really having intended to do so. My mind wanders around the events of the last weeks and I now realise to do it justice a full and proper account of the time would take a day. So, instead I will be brief and just do a flavour.
Needless to say there is no sign of Valentino and I have given up hoping he will be returned.
Aide de Vie is still advancing and it can be very stressful trying to balance the various interactions and conflicts, that arise along the way. This is a process and the birth pain will be replaced by a post natal depression. It is tough but I love it.
My new PA, Angela, has fitted in very well and is well liked by all. She has just finished putting the finishing touches to our brochure so next week we start printing.
Open Roads has applied for a £66k grant, if we secure that we can start to activate our plans.
If you get a chance, get the DVD "Instinct", starring Anthony Hopkins as a scientist who takes on the life of the gorillas he is study in Rwanda. Revealing to the way we think in the modern world.
Needless to say there is no sign of Valentino and I have given up hoping he will be returned.
Aide de Vie is still advancing and it can be very stressful trying to balance the various interactions and conflicts, that arise along the way. This is a process and the birth pain will be replaced by a post natal depression. It is tough but I love it.
My new PA, Angela, has fitted in very well and is well liked by all. She has just finished putting the finishing touches to our brochure so next week we start printing.
Open Roads has applied for a £66k grant, if we secure that we can start to activate our plans.
If you get a chance, get the DVD "Instinct", starring Anthony Hopkins as a scientist who takes on the life of the gorillas he is study in Rwanda. Revealing to the way we think in the modern world.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Fresh Bread
Still no news of Valentino, I can't see that I will find him now. There has been 1 phone call, in response to my notices, some teenager playing around "looking for a bird". Well good luck to him,I say. All the birds in my life have flown.
I have a busy week ahead. Angela, my new assistant, arrives on Monday afternoon. She will board with me until she finds accommodation. I am looking forward to getting to be more productive.
I have not been in good spirits lately. My heart is heavy and my outlook (normally positive) is dim and depressed. I know that my life is very limited and loneliness will be with me, but it is very difficult to live with the gnawing emptiness.
I invited my neighbours over yesterday for home made chicken soup and fresh baked bread. We had a good evening.
I have a busy week ahead. Angela, my new assistant, arrives on Monday afternoon. She will board with me until she finds accommodation. I am looking forward to getting to be more productive.
I have not been in good spirits lately. My heart is heavy and my outlook (normally positive) is dim and depressed. I know that my life is very limited and loneliness will be with me, but it is very difficult to live with the gnawing emptiness.
I invited my neighbours over yesterday for home made chicken soup and fresh baked bread. We had a good evening.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Lost
I am heartbroken with the loss of my friend Valentino. As a friendly cockatiel I may be lucky to get him back. I have put notices up and posted leaflets around. There's a small chance he will be found and I can only hope I have done enough to get him back.
The weather in these parts is poor again. It hasn't been the best summer. Despite the weather I have had a reasonable crop of vegetables and yesterday I gave the children a big roast meal with fresh garden vegetables. We ate outside in the conservatory and had a pleasant afternoon.
Quiet has descended as the children left early. I am catching up on one or 2 e-mails before I go outside to the conservatory to read. (it's a holiday today)
The weather in these parts is poor again. It hasn't been the best summer. Despite the weather I have had a reasonable crop of vegetables and yesterday I gave the children a big roast meal with fresh garden vegetables. We ate outside in the conservatory and had a pleasant afternoon.
Quiet has descended as the children left early. I am catching up on one or 2 e-mails before I go outside to the conservatory to read. (it's a holiday today)
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Memories and Musings
Sunny Sunday morning with wintery chill in the summer sun. My mind wanders to home, to youth, to easier times when life was simpler and my struggle was simply to grow up. I had a Facebook contact with a school friend from my younger days. I only spent 4 years in Empangeni but I remember my friends often. Many have joined Facebook and my mind gets dragged back in to the memories with every contact.
I had a Skype message from my mother today and she tells me they had some things stolen from the garage. Yes, it is upsetting to have someone unknown violate your space but what can you do? They maybe needed the things more after all.
My children have been away for 2 weeks, on holiday with Colleen and her boyfriend. I think the gap in my life and the total sense of isolation brought about through this paralysis adds to a feeling of abandonment. My world is insular now. From being outgoing and extrovert I am become reserved introspective. I hesitate to say brooding and melancholy but I wonder if this is the next stage? I don't go quietly into this state, I am a firm believer and I have faith in a purpose for all that has happened. I won't go timidly into the night, but I will fight against the fading of the light. Help me.
I have a big burn on my hand from a hot tea spill and Valentino (cockatiel) seems wary of it. He gave it a nibble but I think the smell of antiseptic puts off. He loves listening to music and climbs down from shoulder and clambers onto my desk displaying juvenile clumsiness before stomping all over my keyboard. I had to delete what he wrote, for fear of offending someone or falling fowl (hee hee) of Google decency rules.
I went to our new offices on Friday and it looks good we should be kicking off some courses soon. We desperately need to get the cash in.
I had a Skype message from my mother today and she tells me they had some things stolen from the garage. Yes, it is upsetting to have someone unknown violate your space but what can you do? They maybe needed the things more after all.
My children have been away for 2 weeks, on holiday with Colleen and her boyfriend. I think the gap in my life and the total sense of isolation brought about through this paralysis adds to a feeling of abandonment. My world is insular now. From being outgoing and extrovert I am become reserved introspective. I hesitate to say brooding and melancholy but I wonder if this is the next stage? I don't go quietly into this state, I am a firm believer and I have faith in a purpose for all that has happened. I won't go timidly into the night, but I will fight against the fading of the light. Help me.
I have a big burn on my hand from a hot tea spill and Valentino (cockatiel) seems wary of it. He gave it a nibble but I think the smell of antiseptic puts off. He loves listening to music and climbs down from shoulder and clambers onto my desk displaying juvenile clumsiness before stomping all over my keyboard. I had to delete what he wrote, for fear of offending someone or falling fowl (hee hee) of Google decency rules.
I went to our new offices on Friday and it looks good we should be kicking off some courses soon. We desperately need to get the cash in.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Life in the "summer sun"
Life in the UK can be fantastic when the sun shines. Except that it is so elusive and keeps hiding behind the clouds. Some days have been good and some pictures out in my back garden .
In Eddie's place (a little patio surrounded by vegetable beds)you can easily pick cabbage carrots, parsnip,tomato, rocket, lettuce, beans, corn, basil and sorrel.
Coming off the deck
The apple tree (behind me, out of the frame) is laden with apples and I hope the corn follows suit.
Valentino watching me work.
View of the back garden with the herbs to the right of the trampoline
For those who have asked about the chair it has been serviced and adjusted and it is better but still not right. I have developed poor posture and I can't work out what the problem is. Thank you all for the kind words and concern.
In Eddie's place (a little patio surrounded by vegetable beds)you can easily pick cabbage carrots, parsnip,tomato, rocket, lettuce, beans, corn, basil and sorrel.
Coming off the deck
The apple tree (behind me, out of the frame) is laden with apples and I hope the corn follows suit.
Valentino watching me work.
View of the back garden with the herbs to the right of the trampolineFor those who have asked about the chair it has been serviced and adjusted and it is better but still not right. I have developed poor posture and I can't work out what the problem is. Thank you all for the kind words and concern.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Desperation
If you are a regular reader you will notice the tone a the shortening of my posts. I have struggled to be in the chair and the constant fight is playing tricks with my focus and concentration. This is very debilitating and I am in a bad mood most of the time. I have so much to do and I keep getting further behind.
I need a replacement for my PA, Linda. It pays well and I need someone ASAP any suggestions?
I need a replacement for my PA, Linda. It pays well and I need someone ASAP any suggestions?
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Feathered friend
I can't write too much today. I am having problems in the chair and I won't last long in this position. Try it for yourself sometime, deliberately sit badly, then imagine your are unable to move. Now see how long you last.
Anyway, enough of the problems, I want you to meet my friend. He is 10 weeks old and just discovering his world. His name is Valentino (after Valentino Rossi). He is hand reared i.e. completely tame and totally unafraid of humans. He should learn to talk but I am a bad teacher because I hardly speak!
Anyway, enough of the problems, I want you to meet my friend. He is 10 weeks old and just discovering his world. His name is Valentino (after Valentino Rossi). He is hand reared i.e. completely tame and totally unafraid of humans. He should learn to talk but I am a bad teacher because I hardly speak!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Lonely post
Today is the day I write. Regular readers will have noticed the paucity of postings lately. I could explain why, however you will have to forgive my deep level of introspection. My mood plummeted recently as I faced the realisation that I cannot be a good advocate for myself. I will always develop strong arguments to get others represented and justice, but I have an inability to put forward myself ahead of others in situations which are about the work I do. This relies on people knowing me or being similarly inclined. This unlikely circumstance therefore doesn't occur and consequently I will enter a very lonely place where my feeling of separation from others is deepened.
Some nights are long. Lately the nights have become anguished hours of restless discomfort. Peace of mind and a restful sleep are a blessing.
We are busy with the launch of a new business. I developed a presentation which we (Simon and I) are presenting to different potential clients. Our success will depend on the interest we arouse and the level of customer need. To give you an idea of the company image I have placed a copy of our logo and strap line for you. Our key point of differentiation is our commitment to care quality and the care givers professional status. In addition 40% of our board are disabled.
I will need a new assistant as Linda will be talking on new duties with Aide de Vie. Please can someone with computer skills and a good telephone manner apply.
Some nights are long. Lately the nights have become anguished hours of restless discomfort. Peace of mind and a restful sleep are a blessing.
We are busy with the launch of a new business. I developed a presentation which we (Simon and I) are presenting to different potential clients. Our success will depend on the interest we arouse and the level of customer need. To give you an idea of the company image I have placed a copy of our logo and strap line for you. Our key point of differentiation is our commitment to care quality and the care givers professional status. In addition 40% of our board are disabled.
I will need a new assistant as Linda will be talking on new duties with Aide de Vie. Please can someone with computer skills and a good telephone manner apply.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Busy times
It's been a busy week with 2 busy weeks to go. We are promoting the new business, Aide de Vie to care and nursing companies. The response has been good and I think our obvious enthusiasm and our fresh approach are having an influence.
Work on the charity has slowed as we seek to register and establish the foundation. Our first big project will most likely be a symposium. We will use the occasion to create discussion and awareness whilst raising support.
I have the kids here today. Last night we had a small BBQ and watched a video. We had fun and I missed not seeing them for the last 2 weeks.
My son went to a school function. A bunch of them hired a limo for the occasion.
Work on the charity has slowed as we seek to register and establish the foundation. Our first big project will most likely be a symposium. We will use the occasion to create discussion and awareness whilst raising support.
I have the kids here today. Last night we had a small BBQ and watched a video. We had fun and I missed not seeing them for the last 2 weeks.
My son went to a school function. A bunch of them hired a limo for the occasion.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Customer care? Are you joking! ?
The last 2 weeks have been a blur. I have helped my son with his final physics paper. I have had back to back meetings for the new company, Aide de Vie and the charity Open Roads. We held a workshop for 25 people and on Friday this culminated in a barbeque for 25 + at my house. After a "quiet" weekend with the children it was back to work.
My PA, Linda, is in France for 3 weeks and I am sharing my office with 2 fellow directors also in wheelchairs. It is busy but it is a good type of busy.
If there is anyone who is wheelchair bound you may sympathise with with my experiences. My wheelchair is not comfortable and there is not a day where I don't struggle to be in the chair. I have been advised to have a day in bed. I hate being stuck in bed. It is so boring. I always say, "I will sleep when I am dead!" To my mind I haven't got time to waste.
My problems in the wheelchair have been worse in the last few months and I finally resorted to resolving the problem. Once identified you would think the rest is easy. I never bargained for the service I would receive from Balder UK. They came for a consultation 4 weeks ago and I received the quote a week ago after numerous phone calls e-mails. The quote was incomplete and I am still waiting for the correct response. It seems that customer care doesn't concern them.
As if this wasn't bad enough my bed broke on the weekend and I am having a tough time getting it fixed. My normally restless sleep is now twice as bad.
So that is it. I need to go and write another letter to Balder UK.
My PA, Linda, is in France for 3 weeks and I am sharing my office with 2 fellow directors also in wheelchairs. It is busy but it is a good type of busy.
If there is anyone who is wheelchair bound you may sympathise with with my experiences. My wheelchair is not comfortable and there is not a day where I don't struggle to be in the chair. I have been advised to have a day in bed. I hate being stuck in bed. It is so boring. I always say, "I will sleep when I am dead!" To my mind I haven't got time to waste.
My problems in the wheelchair have been worse in the last few months and I finally resorted to resolving the problem. Once identified you would think the rest is easy. I never bargained for the service I would receive from Balder UK. They came for a consultation 4 weeks ago and I received the quote a week ago after numerous phone calls e-mails. The quote was incomplete and I am still waiting for the correct response. It seems that customer care doesn't concern them.
As if this wasn't bad enough my bed broke on the weekend and I am having a tough time getting it fixed. My normally restless sleep is now twice as bad.
So that is it. I need to go and write another letter to Balder UK.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Feeling Sound
The Scouse tribe from Liverpool have a word to describe when something, someone or a personal state that is good or positive. For example when describing a meal just consumed or a brother's friend, they might use the adjective "sound" to show positivity or approval.
Well, Feeling Sound Musiclab in this example is more literal and is the name of a website for an initiative to expand our skills in listening to and engaging with music. It was developed by musicians and music psychologists and you can take part in an experiment on the site. It's a fun test and quite interesting so if you have time, give it a go.
Well, Feeling Sound Musiclab in this example is more literal and is the name of a website for an initiative to expand our skills in listening to and engaging with music. It was developed by musicians and music psychologists and you can take part in an experiment on the site. It's a fun test and quite interesting so if you have time, give it a go.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
The emotional ride of life
The kids are here. They arrived last night. A story that hides many hidden emotions lies beyond the the events of their arrival.
Saturday. The e-mails from our client/fellow director begin to arrive I see that they are mostly about a meeting between the new Training company and our first client. The e-mails are also being picked up by Linda (also working from her home) . Pretty soon we decide we will need to discuss this and get together. I phone Colleen about the possibility that Linda could pick up the kids on her way.
I got a definite "no", because of other plans. So Linda duly arrives and we do the work. I do what I can and start dinner for the kids and guests. A simple meal of egg-fried rice and a sausage sauce. Now initially Colleen did indicate she would join the dinner but on arrival and seeing Linda's car, she stayed in the car. She wasted little time dropping the kids and left before the doors had closed.
I live in this world. Distorted by resentment, anger and unforgiveness. The hidden rocks that sink unwary canoes are noticeable by a small rise in the water. The complex navigation of river rapids is made more tricky by the hidden rocks. They will eventually erode with time and the constant flow. Sometimes you have to collide with them to shift them, to roll them away.
I have wrecked many a canoe on the rocks of resentment and still, some will not shift. They are not ready.
Saturday. The e-mails from our client/fellow director begin to arrive I see that they are mostly about a meeting between the new Training company and our first client. The e-mails are also being picked up by Linda (also working from her home) . Pretty soon we decide we will need to discuss this and get together. I phone Colleen about the possibility that Linda could pick up the kids on her way.
I got a definite "no", because of other plans. So Linda duly arrives and we do the work. I do what I can and start dinner for the kids and guests. A simple meal of egg-fried rice and a sausage sauce. Now initially Colleen did indicate she would join the dinner but on arrival and seeing Linda's car, she stayed in the car. She wasted little time dropping the kids and left before the doors had closed.
I live in this world. Distorted by resentment, anger and unforgiveness. The hidden rocks that sink unwary canoes are noticeable by a small rise in the water. The complex navigation of river rapids is made more tricky by the hidden rocks. They will eventually erode with time and the constant flow. Sometimes you have to collide with them to shift them, to roll them away.
I have wrecked many a canoe on the rocks of resentment and still, some will not shift. They are not ready.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Growing Garden
Some pictures for those interested. My garden is 50% there.
Strawberries and Raspberries
Beans Garlic and Salad
Rosemary , more salad leaves and potatoe
Herbs
Strawberries and Raspberries
Beans Garlic and Salad
Rosemary , more salad leaves and potatoe
Potatoe and cabbage
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Power, PC and People
If any regular readers missed the update last week, that will be because there wasn't one. There wasn't one because I had no PC for a few hours as the power supply broke down and I had to take it in for a replacement. A scary moment. But its OK now. Phew, a device which holds such a prominent place in your life can make you realise how repetitive your day to day routine has become.
I spend many hours in front of the dual screens I have setup in my office. Since being made redundant (or early retirement) because of my disability, I have tried to keep busy. I will never understand the logic of a company that expects and gets your loyalty and commitment but, when circumstances change there is little return of this. Let me explain, companies are made up of people, policies and rules don't count for much ,unless the people in positions of authority apply them. If you are rewarded in one circumstance a change of authority can see you passed over or even ejected. So you can move from having value to having no value. I did when I was disabled. Not immediately. No, I was given loads of support through people in position to do so. When they changed I realised I was finished, my value was zero and I was shown the back door and never mentioned again.
So now I have a small business and I am helping setup a charity for disabled people to improve their lives and also setting up another business doing training for the people who care for the disabled.
So now to the more important stuff... What about fun? Well my fun is doing things to keep busy, my children and my garden.
I spend many hours in front of the dual screens I have setup in my office. Since being made redundant (or early retirement) because of my disability, I have tried to keep busy. I will never understand the logic of a company that expects and gets your loyalty and commitment but, when circumstances change there is little return of this. Let me explain, companies are made up of people, policies and rules don't count for much ,unless the people in positions of authority apply them. If you are rewarded in one circumstance a change of authority can see you passed over or even ejected. So you can move from having value to having no value. I did when I was disabled. Not immediately. No, I was given loads of support through people in position to do so. When they changed I realised I was finished, my value was zero and I was shown the back door and never mentioned again.
So now I have a small business and I am helping setup a charity for disabled people to improve their lives and also setting up another business doing training for the people who care for the disabled.
So now to the more important stuff... What about fun? Well my fun is doing things to keep busy, my children and my garden.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Anti-virus elections and life
Its a warm'ish Saturday morning. I sit here listening to some oldies, Diana Ross and the Supremes for the curious amongst you, and feeling a little bit mellow. I will often use my blog to reflect on the week passed. I will keep up this tradition and use the time to update you on my solo existence in this wheelchair.
How about this for interest to those who have a PC. This was featured on The Gadget Show recently. I always struggle with anti-virus software, Norton too slow and cumbersome, AVG OK,and so on. Now there is Yoggie. This isn't software. Its a PC you the size of a USB and it intercepts your internet traffic. In fact it even replaces your PC's IP address with its own! And because its hardware it can't be corrupted!
Do you know anything about Zimbabwe? Although the elections have been in the news, the plight of many is ignored. I have family living there and I made enquiries about getting supplies to them. My dad came across this chap who takes supplies up to various people on a merry mission. I have decided I would like to make a regular donation and to ask people up there to distribute supplies to local needy people. If anyone is interested in doing something give me your e-mail and I will put you in contact with this chap and the charity.
There's some strange behaviour being exhibited by the finches. Dude and Fawkes are making a nest. This would be normal but for the impression we had that they were both male!Dude is obviously male.Fawkes doesn't exhibit some of the typical male markings. If you know anything about Zebra finches, please let me know what to do!
For a little insight into the life of a man with a life checked from the pursuits of career, pleasure and material comfort you will need more insight than I am able to reveal in the musings of this blog. I do try to make it a conversation between you and me, I hope you will see fit to enter into the discussion.
Some images to help you,
My apple tree, with its spring frock of blossoms.
A view of my house from the vegetable garden
My raised vegetable garden.
How about this for interest to those who have a PC. This was featured on The Gadget Show recently. I always struggle with anti-virus software, Norton too slow and cumbersome, AVG OK,and so on. Now there is Yoggie. This isn't software. Its a PC you the size of a USB and it intercepts your internet traffic. In fact it even replaces your PC's IP address with its own! And because its hardware it can't be corrupted!
Do you know anything about Zimbabwe? Although the elections have been in the news, the plight of many is ignored. I have family living there and I made enquiries about getting supplies to them. My dad came across this chap who takes supplies up to various people on a merry mission. I have decided I would like to make a regular donation and to ask people up there to distribute supplies to local needy people. If anyone is interested in doing something give me your e-mail and I will put you in contact with this chap and the charity.
There's some strange behaviour being exhibited by the finches. Dude and Fawkes are making a nest. This would be normal but for the impression we had that they were both male!Dude is obviously male.Fawkes doesn't exhibit some of the typical male markings. If you know anything about Zebra finches, please let me know what to do!
For a little insight into the life of a man with a life checked from the pursuits of career, pleasure and material comfort you will need more insight than I am able to reveal in the musings of this blog. I do try to make it a conversation between you and me, I hope you will see fit to enter into the discussion.
Some images to help you,
My apple tree, with its spring frock of blossoms.
A view of my house from the vegetable garden
My raised vegetable garden.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Soaring with the Eagles?
I am just sitting here listening to the Eagles latest and lost in the mood and thoughts about my day. It may not be the ideal activity to be engaged in on a Friday night at 7 o'clock but tonight I don't want to do anything else. Oh, I had plans but they didn't work out.
I need some help with training. If you know anything about setting up training in a company I need to investigate the management of students and records. I know that software does exist but what works and what is best? If you can offer advice let me know.
I should see the kids this weekend. Which is always good. Ruth's birthday is soon and I bought her a gift she has wanted for some time. More about this later.
Rain again today. There have rain showers over the last 3 days due to a sequence of different fronts. This has been needed, because though it's been a cold April, there has been precious little rain. So my garden is grateful. The vegetables at the moment consist of onion, garlic, broccoli, cabbage, potatoe and parsnips and carrots together. I am not sure if the carrots and parsnips will recover after cats rolled around in the bed. We shall have to wait and see.
I need some help with training. If you know anything about setting up training in a company I need to investigate the management of students and records. I know that software does exist but what works and what is best? If you can offer advice let me know.
I should see the kids this weekend. Which is always good. Ruth's birthday is soon and I bought her a gift she has wanted for some time. More about this later.
Rain again today. There have rain showers over the last 3 days due to a sequence of different fronts. This has been needed, because though it's been a cold April, there has been precious little rain. So my garden is grateful. The vegetables at the moment consist of onion, garlic, broccoli, cabbage, potatoe and parsnips and carrots together. I am not sure if the carrots and parsnips will recover after cats rolled around in the bed. We shall have to wait and see.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Getting Knotted
The weekends are a time to relax. Setting the mind free of the anxiety and strain of the week. It's like undoing a knot and it takes effort and time. I shouldn't get so tangled up in the first place...
It is the middle of April and it is still cold. I need to get seeds ready for planting but this year I haven't been out much and the cold wet weather has been discouraging for garden visits.
We are planning to start a charity. Excessive government meddling has created a lifeless, expensive, bureaucratic monster called "social care". The only people who get something out of it are the unscrupulous, cheats and "fly by nights". In the absence of a better system we feel a difference can be made in the role of care giver. Currently the most import 2 people are the disabled person trying to live their life with all its complications and the person/s assisting in this.
We think that there is an area in a disabled person's life that is not dealt with properly. The provision of professional, dedicated, well trained helpers. We don't want to use the word carer. It is a poor description of the role and disabled people don't want a carer they need an aide. Through Linda's persistence we came to "Aide de Vie" or AV for short.
I will tell you more about this later.
It appears as though Linda has moved off the idea of moving jobs. So some stability has returned.
I am still on the search for a new aide (carer, AV). I interviewed a young local, polish girl, who is qualified on the face of it, but may not pass the job shadow. So I will let you know in a few weeks time.
It is the middle of April and it is still cold. I need to get seeds ready for planting but this year I haven't been out much and the cold wet weather has been discouraging for garden visits.
We are planning to start a charity. Excessive government meddling has created a lifeless, expensive, bureaucratic monster called "social care". The only people who get something out of it are the unscrupulous, cheats and "fly by nights". In the absence of a better system we feel a difference can be made in the role of care giver. Currently the most import 2 people are the disabled person trying to live their life with all its complications and the person/s assisting in this.
We think that there is an area in a disabled person's life that is not dealt with properly. The provision of professional, dedicated, well trained helpers. We don't want to use the word carer. It is a poor description of the role and disabled people don't want a carer they need an aide. Through Linda's persistence we came to "Aide de Vie" or AV for short.
I will tell you more about this later.
It appears as though Linda has moved off the idea of moving jobs. So some stability has returned.
I am still on the search for a new aide (carer, AV). I interviewed a young local, polish girl, who is qualified on the face of it, but may not pass the job shadow. So I will let you know in a few weeks time.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Regret and forgiveness
Do memories invade your mind at inappropriate times ? Do they make you smile and sometimes dry a tear of emotion? Someone once said "live for today " and yet we fret and flounder over the mistakes in our past. We hold on to anger, resent, hate and failure. It succeeds in doing only one thing, it poisons the present and devours happiness.
My ex always speaks to me of her bad life. Debt,work and children problems fill her conversations with me. I am a captive audience in every sense. Unable to interrupt her flow, I sit and wonder about how pretty she is without the scowl and twisted down mouth. Yet she cannot enjoy the good she has because she can't let go her negativity. When will she realise that there is only today, now, tomorrow doesn't exist and yesterday is gone.
I am not advocating we don't prepare for the future, rather that we don't let worry about it,ruin today.
I hate being in this wheelchair, it forces me to be what I am not. I shy from change from crowds and I become reserved. Why? Why give in? I have to live as best I can and with no voice or movement, I just can't do those things. So I do what I can. I have given presentations, I write a blog, I have a small business and I enjoy 3 beautiful children. I am not dead yet.
My ex always speaks to me of her bad life. Debt,work and children problems fill her conversations with me. I am a captive audience in every sense. Unable to interrupt her flow, I sit and wonder about how pretty she is without the scowl and twisted down mouth. Yet she cannot enjoy the good she has because she can't let go her negativity. When will she realise that there is only today, now, tomorrow doesn't exist and yesterday is gone.
I am not advocating we don't prepare for the future, rather that we don't let worry about it,ruin today.
I hate being in this wheelchair, it forces me to be what I am not. I shy from change from crowds and I become reserved. Why? Why give in? I have to live as best I can and with no voice or movement, I just can't do those things. So I do what I can. I have given presentations, I write a blog, I have a small business and I enjoy 3 beautiful children. I am not dead yet.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Dr Zhivago
I watched Doctor Zhivago yesterday. A 4 hour BBC movie on the novel by the same title by Boris Pasternak. I am currently listening to the audio book which is 16 cds in length. A very moving tale set at the time of the overthrow of Czarist Russia and the move to communism. A few things did stand out for me but the clear portrayal by the author of the importance of love and a belief system were very poignant. The story covers the life of Yuri Zhivago, the women he loved, the political turmoil in Russia and the lives of ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances. Read it if you haven't already done so.
This morning the ground was covered in a blanket of soft, fleecy white snow. Even the motionless trees couldn't shake a covering of white. The clear blue sky and subsequent sunlight ensured that it didn't remain.
The week passed has been typical but marked by the Alex leaving and the return of emptiness. We had a chance to say some things and talk. He is a remarkable boy.
I have been given 3 male zebra finch by Linda after she ended up with too many. They chirp all day at my lounge window, occasionally darting around the cage in agile celebration. Their names are Dude, Easter and Fawkes.
This morning the ground was covered in a blanket of soft, fleecy white snow. Even the motionless trees couldn't shake a covering of white. The clear blue sky and subsequent sunlight ensured that it didn't remain.
The week passed has been typical but marked by the Alex leaving and the return of emptiness. We had a chance to say some things and talk. He is a remarkable boy.
I have been given 3 male zebra finch by Linda after she ended up with too many. They chirp all day at my lounge window, occasionally darting around the cage in agile celebration. Their names are Dude, Easter and Fawkes.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Being a Saturday it's appropriate for me to take some time to write about the week past. Alex, my son, is staying with me for a few days to help with his study for GCSE. In an effort to instil some discipline, I have him getting up early and going for a run each day. So far there has been some progress and we advanced a few subjects. Today we will do Systems and Design and some English.
We have had some good heart to heart chats and I constantly taken aback by the good character and nature of this 16yr old. I can see in him a quality that you seldom come across today, humility and a good heart.
Linda, my PA has raised the topic of another job. It turns out she is looking at ads. Well I can't stop people from advancing and I would not wish to hold anyone back but it is distressing and would require a big upheaval.
My reaction has been muted and I am very aware of the potential for me to use emotional blackmail. For this reason I come across as not really bothered. I suppose there is no reaction that will not be open to misinterpretation.
We have had some good heart to heart chats and I constantly taken aback by the good character and nature of this 16yr old. I can see in him a quality that you seldom come across today, humility and a good heart.
Linda, my PA has raised the topic of another job. It turns out she is looking at ads. Well I can't stop people from advancing and I would not wish to hold anyone back but it is distressing and would require a big upheaval.
My reaction has been muted and I am very aware of the potential for me to use emotional blackmail. For this reason I come across as not really bothered. I suppose there is no reaction that will not be open to misinterpretation.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Empty
How do I write something when feeling so empty? Boredom and discipline drive me to communicate. I live a life with the appearance of order and purpose. It is expected. There are many who I share my world with, they need me to be happy.
I have an inner world that is unlike any world I can describe. I have many well worn areas which are in daily use. They are familiar, automatic and necessary. The forbidden zones are no longer safe and contain predatory roving psychotic thoughts thirsty for destruction. These areas are neighbours to the red light zone. Purposeless journeys into the red light zone can often stray into the forbidden zone and get hopelessly lost. This dangerous mistake can take days to recover from, never without scars.
Next to the red light district is a playground. This is a healthy place. Perspectives and proportions are easily maintained. The playground has no dark areas. It is a place of magic, of 24/7 sunshine. Spending time in the playground can be easy with some people. Others seem to shy away from happiness and prefer the endless traffic circles in the run down slums. This is a wasteland of grumpiness and self-pity. All the roads here lead to the forbidden zone. So, in my world I stay away from here.
Where am I today? I don't have a clue. I feel like an obsessive gambler, dumbstruck and numb after a poor day at the races.
I have an inner world that is unlike any world I can describe. I have many well worn areas which are in daily use. They are familiar, automatic and necessary. The forbidden zones are no longer safe and contain predatory roving psychotic thoughts thirsty for destruction. These areas are neighbours to the red light zone. Purposeless journeys into the red light zone can often stray into the forbidden zone and get hopelessly lost. This dangerous mistake can take days to recover from, never without scars.
Next to the red light district is a playground. This is a healthy place. Perspectives and proportions are easily maintained. The playground has no dark areas. It is a place of magic, of 24/7 sunshine. Spending time in the playground can be easy with some people. Others seem to shy away from happiness and prefer the endless traffic circles in the run down slums. This is a wasteland of grumpiness and self-pity. All the roads here lead to the forbidden zone. So, in my world I stay away from here.
Where am I today? I don't have a clue. I feel like an obsessive gambler, dumbstruck and numb after a poor day at the races.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Stimulation
OK let's talk. I have Alex on the IBM typing up some work and we are going to discuss this after he has finished. We plan to watch a bit of football before refining it and going on to the next part. There are 4 more days of school remaining before the Easter holiday. During the break he will spend the time here revising his School work. I hope that he can stick to the schedule I have for him!
Haven't been at my best lately and the recent wet weather has not helped. I don't understand what's happening to me; as, my stubborn refusal to think of myself as disabled, is beginning to weaken and I don't like it! I know that I desperately need something more but I don't know what. To be so confused is disabling enough!
Society has developed the treatments for maintaining a life but insufficient understanding on supplying the tools to deal with this truncated existence. I need more than just existence, I need purpose. Stimulation, whether it be mental or physical, just amounts to masturbation, unless it is for a purpose or it is shared.
This will be my greatest challenge and the only one that I must achieve in order to move forward.
This week my gardener arrives after the winter break. I plan to get the spring planting started , parsnips, sweet corn, squash, potatoes... Any ideas?
Haven't been at my best lately and the recent wet weather has not helped. I don't understand what's happening to me; as, my stubborn refusal to think of myself as disabled, is beginning to weaken and I don't like it! I know that I desperately need something more but I don't know what. To be so confused is disabling enough!
Society has developed the treatments for maintaining a life but insufficient understanding on supplying the tools to deal with this truncated existence. I need more than just existence, I need purpose. Stimulation, whether it be mental or physical, just amounts to masturbation, unless it is for a purpose or it is shared.
This will be my greatest challenge and the only one that I must achieve in order to move forward.
This week my gardener arrives after the winter break. I plan to get the spring planting started , parsnips, sweet corn, squash, potatoes... Any ideas?
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Damn it's tough to drag yourself from mindless, fruitless pursuits especially when a world of frivolous patisserie are just a click away. Discipline is especially tough considering that choices of independent activity are so limited. My wanderings in cyber space are made even more vain and unproductive by the disproportionate effort and time they waste.
So I return to writing. Describing the lonely existence that accompanies paralysis. I know it will be difficult to convey my world and even more difficult to comprehend.
I sat in my bathroom this morning, thinking. I thought about the day ahead, about the week passed and about the empty, nagging thoughts that seem to consume my moments of solitude lately. They are thoughts which lead nowhere. They have little purposefulness. They succeed only to remind me of my helpless, ineffective state and the devastating loss of my situation. They always end in me asking God for forgiveness. I have no idea what for, perhaps for my shameful self-pity.
In any case a cup of coffee awaits and I must go.
So I return to writing. Describing the lonely existence that accompanies paralysis. I know it will be difficult to convey my world and even more difficult to comprehend.
I sat in my bathroom this morning, thinking. I thought about the day ahead, about the week passed and about the empty, nagging thoughts that seem to consume my moments of solitude lately. They are thoughts which lead nowhere. They have little purposefulness. They succeed only to remind me of my helpless, ineffective state and the devastating loss of my situation. They always end in me asking God for forgiveness. I have no idea what for, perhaps for my shameful self-pity.
In any case a cup of coffee awaits and I must go.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
To write a blog one requires dedication. Sometimes despite your feelings and agenda you have to put your mind into the space. The space where you give of yourself. A space which can be difficult to reach. This is particularly true of a personal blog.
There are days like today when the heart feels heavy and afraid of opening. When dark melancholy and loneliness prosper and rule the thoughts without mercy. This is such a day. I write not because of exuberant outpouring,but of sombre duty.
My account will be factual and truthful but lacking my normal levity and wit.
Last Saturday I took Colleen and the children to London to a show at the Dominion Theatre. It was a show Carmen had seen a few weeks earlier and wanted to share with the rest of the family. So I told her to organise it and she did. The picture is taken just before we left.
There are days like today when the heart feels heavy and afraid of opening. When dark melancholy and loneliness prosper and rule the thoughts without mercy. This is such a day. I write not because of exuberant outpouring,but of sombre duty.
My account will be factual and truthful but lacking my normal levity and wit.
Last Saturday I took Colleen and the children to London to a show at the Dominion Theatre. It was a show Carmen had seen a few weeks earlier and wanted to share with the rest of the family. So I told her to organise it and she did. The picture is taken just before we left.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
The thing is, how to maintain enthusiasm or progress when you have little or no reward? You need a source of fuel to keep up the supply for your "motivation engine". I find this tough. Tough because there are people in my life with better options and opportunities, yet they will take any opportunity to explain to me why they are unable to be happy. This I don't mind.I just wish that sometimes I would hear about the good things, about the blessings and the smiles. Too much negativity makes any experience worthless and tiresome. Far better to enjoy 1 plain biscuit with your tea than to have 3 chocolate biscuits which you don't appreciate and savour. Every blessing is precious.
Talking of blessings, my cousin Erica paid us a visit last week for 5 days. She was a ray of light. The time we had ended far too soon and her bond and obvious pleasure with meeting the children made me feel very grateful and ever so slightly homesick. Equally, the love and closeness felt by the children, especially the girls, very good to see.
I remember well the love I received as a youngster, on a visit to her family, about 30 years ago. This had an important role in my life. Reassurance and love with demonstrative care is a sustaining positive influence in life and can have a powerful effect if it is within the broader family.
Erica left on Saturday and on Sunday morning I was due to drop Alex at football and take the girls back home. Well for a change we were ahead of matters, on a bright, crisp Sunday morning. They were packed up, finished with their chores and were having fun taking snaps of themselves on the trampoline when I called them in for a quick cuppa before leaving. It was after this that things went wrong...
We were all in the car ready to go and the car wouldn't start, flat battery! I immediately told Alex to phone Colleen to see if she could help. We got out the car.
Colleen had plans and was reluctant to change them. Having told the coach we would be late we got hold of the roadside assistance for my car (Chrysler offer this as standard) . They indicated that we would have less than an hour wait. With that, I called the kids together and offered the option of a fun day in the sun with Ice Cream later or a long drive to take Alex to play his match. I was genuinely surprised that without hesitation the girls chose football. They offered this simple explanation when quizzed, "It's too important to Alex!"
One look at his face would have told anyone that.
Talking of blessings, my cousin Erica paid us a visit last week for 5 days. She was a ray of light. The time we had ended far too soon and her bond and obvious pleasure with meeting the children made me feel very grateful and ever so slightly homesick. Equally, the love and closeness felt by the children, especially the girls, very good to see.
I remember well the love I received as a youngster, on a visit to her family, about 30 years ago. This had an important role in my life. Reassurance and love with demonstrative care is a sustaining positive influence in life and can have a powerful effect if it is within the broader family.
Erica left on Saturday and on Sunday morning I was due to drop Alex at football and take the girls back home. Well for a change we were ahead of matters, on a bright, crisp Sunday morning. They were packed up, finished with their chores and were having fun taking snaps of themselves on the trampoline when I called them in for a quick cuppa before leaving. It was after this that things went wrong...
We were all in the car ready to go and the car wouldn't start, flat battery! I immediately told Alex to phone Colleen to see if she could help. We got out the car.
Colleen had plans and was reluctant to change them. Having told the coach we would be late we got hold of the roadside assistance for my car (Chrysler offer this as standard) . They indicated that we would have less than an hour wait. With that, I called the kids together and offered the option of a fun day in the sun with Ice Cream later or a long drive to take Alex to play his match. I was genuinely surprised that without hesitation the girls chose football. They offered this simple explanation when quizzed, "It's too important to Alex!"
One look at his face would have told anyone that.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Hope?
Research in nerve repair Nerve By Pass
Tell me if you know more about this and any possible contacts. Thanks.
Research in nerve repair Nerve By Pass
Tell me if you know more about this and any possible contacts. Thanks.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I feel like I am going quite crazy. The memory of "woman " can be like a knife in the heart. I know that I have so much to be grateful for. I have a great home, good care, enough to provide my needs. I don't want for any more...
but the heart and body don't seem to obey the rules of logical argument. Neither the rule of sensible persuasion. In fact they are as relentless as a Siberian Winter and don't ever get tired or distracted. Attrition wears out the bravest man, eventually.
Logic is a poor weapon against this fiend. My remaining strength relies on sustenance by faith and hope. When "the thorn in my flesh" burns and festers, I resort to the hope and faith which has carried me when my weakness is exposed.
Ahh well, ...
The week ahead is school half term. My children have a week off school I have 3 days of work and then some time off. On Monday my uncle Hilbert's granddaughter arrives for a 5 day visit. I have never met Erica but I last saw her mother, my cousin, 30 years ago. I am looking forward to it.
The past week brought nothing new but the continuation of some project work. I am training a new carer at the moment but I hope to have a better solution soon. More later.
but the heart and body don't seem to obey the rules of logical argument. Neither the rule of sensible persuasion. In fact they are as relentless as a Siberian Winter and don't ever get tired or distracted. Attrition wears out the bravest man, eventually.
Logic is a poor weapon against this fiend. My remaining strength relies on sustenance by faith and hope. When "the thorn in my flesh" burns and festers, I resort to the hope and faith which has carried me when my weakness is exposed.
Ahh well, ...
The week ahead is school half term. My children have a week off school I have 3 days of work and then some time off. On Monday my uncle Hilbert's granddaughter arrives for a 5 day visit. I have never met Erica but I last saw her mother, my cousin, 30 years ago. I am looking forward to it.
The past week brought nothing new but the continuation of some project work. I am training a new carer at the moment but I hope to have a better solution soon. More later.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
I did a presentation yesterday. I was making a revised pitch for a project. It was a receptive audience which made things easier. I ran out of breath halfway, so at the appropriate place I gave over to Linda, who presented some of her work, then I recovered enough to finish. They loved Linda anyway. We also presented some work with a Video production company. As it turns out a reasonable sized project.
Well we were successful, and now the work begins.
John came over last night we made dinner and watched Atonement. I enjoyed it even though the sadness, unfulfilled hopes and desires were so cruelly and needlessly destroyed through a thoughtless, selfish act by a little girl.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
Well, he had no body to go with!
This may be a joke but truth is I really miss my body. To run, to flop down on the lawn and read, to hold someone and feel part of them. When the words "to be alone" are a chance to enjoy doing your own thing instead they fill me with concern. Don't get me wrong, I love having time alone but only if I have something I can do. This requires setting up or some assistance. So when I am alone, the sense of loneliness is so physically present that I get bombarded by negative and depressing thoughts. As a consequence I hate having half an hour unplanned time on my own.
Well we were successful, and now the work begins.
John came over last night we made dinner and watched Atonement. I enjoyed it even though the sadness, unfulfilled hopes and desires were so cruelly and needlessly destroyed through a thoughtless, selfish act by a little girl.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
Well, he had no body to go with!
This may be a joke but truth is I really miss my body. To run, to flop down on the lawn and read, to hold someone and feel part of them. When the words "to be alone" are a chance to enjoy doing your own thing instead they fill me with concern. Don't get me wrong, I love having time alone but only if I have something I can do. This requires setting up or some assistance. So when I am alone, the sense of loneliness is so physically present that I get bombarded by negative and depressing thoughts. As a consequence I hate having half an hour unplanned time on my own.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Dreary day. Overcast and cold. I had my children over last night. The last few weeks have been a mixture of rush and work and apathy.
I don't really know what to write. I normally use the blog to talk about my life in a wheelchair, the purpose being to keep my friends and family up to date and to provide an insight and record of the experience. In many ways I don't perceive myself as a disabled person and will often feel like I am just observing. This bizarre situation is part of the experience from highly active independence to disabled dependence.
Recently I was informed by someone I hold in high regard that I am self-obsessed. Admittedly the comment did come at a time of conflict,but it threw me off my stride. This was an indication of the significance of the remark. Have I become self obsessed and inward. Are my needs more important than others? I knew I had to solve this question, for I do not wish to be like this.
I cannot honestly say that I am not selfish and do keep certain treats aside for my pleasure but I do not accept the charge of being self obsessed. I am far too aware of the needs and feelings of others. I don't know if you have a view on this. Those that know me and those who don't; tell me your opinions.
I don't really know what to write. I normally use the blog to talk about my life in a wheelchair, the purpose being to keep my friends and family up to date and to provide an insight and record of the experience. In many ways I don't perceive myself as a disabled person and will often feel like I am just observing. This bizarre situation is part of the experience from highly active independence to disabled dependence.
Recently I was informed by someone I hold in high regard that I am self-obsessed. Admittedly the comment did come at a time of conflict,but it threw me off my stride. This was an indication of the significance of the remark. Have I become self obsessed and inward. Are my needs more important than others? I knew I had to solve this question, for I do not wish to be like this.
I cannot honestly say that I am not selfish and do keep certain treats aside for my pleasure but I do not accept the charge of being self obsessed. I am far too aware of the needs and feelings of others. I don't know if you have a view on this. Those that know me and those who don't; tell me your opinions.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
It's a Saturday. A reasonable sunny but cold start. Overcast and cloudy now.
I thought I would spend a nice quiet day just catching up with myself. You would think that would be easy (after all, how fast does a disabled man move?). It's not easy, I have still maintain the ambitious work output and goals I have always had.
I had a break earlier ; pancakes and coffee. Hmmm, hot pancakes with a sprinkle of sugar and cinnamon and a squeeze of lemon. Rolled up and then a dribble of chocolate sauce and washed down with a cup of Columbian coffee.
So last night, I'm all stretched out on the wheelchair, about to do a few arm excercises before I put the wheelchair into a stand position, and the doorbel rings .It's John my neighbour. He has popped in to wish me a Happy New Year, so he says, but I think he was hoping for a glass of wine. Anyway, I decided to ask him and Linda over for Dinner.
We had an impromptu dinner party. Sherry, Fried monk fish in smoky bacon (Linda),followed by Bobotie (a Cape /Malay a Dutch East Indies meal from South Africa) and red wine. The wine from John and Linda was so cold we had to warm it up. We finished off with Port and Stilton and freshly ground coffee and chocolate.
Phew! A great meal good company and lots of laughs...
I thought I would spend a nice quiet day just catching up with myself. You would think that would be easy (after all, how fast does a disabled man move?). It's not easy, I have still maintain the ambitious work output and goals I have always had.
I had a break earlier ; pancakes and coffee. Hmmm, hot pancakes with a sprinkle of sugar and cinnamon and a squeeze of lemon. Rolled up and then a dribble of chocolate sauce and washed down with a cup of Columbian coffee.
So last night, I'm all stretched out on the wheelchair, about to do a few arm excercises before I put the wheelchair into a stand position, and the doorbel rings .It's John my neighbour. He has popped in to wish me a Happy New Year, so he says, but I think he was hoping for a glass of wine. Anyway, I decided to ask him and Linda over for Dinner.
We had an impromptu dinner party. Sherry, Fried monk fish in smoky bacon (Linda),followed by Bobotie (a Cape /Malay a Dutch East Indies meal from South Africa) and red wine. The wine from John and Linda was so cold we had to warm it up. We finished off with Port and Stilton and freshly ground coffee and chocolate.
Phew! A great meal good company and lots of laughs...
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Here I am at the start of 2008, in my office, sleepy kids wander in rubbing their eyes... A new year begins my 6th New Year in a wheelchair.
I never thought I would last this long and every presents much the same problems. I still go through the process, where I reflect on the futility of the before resolving to do 1 more day on the basis that I have much to do yet.
My experience is that one of the most challenging things is to discover who I am and to realise which parts are real.
I am severely disabled but not totally. I will use what I have left as well as I can and hope that my efforts will enrich others and inspire my children.
God Bless You
I never thought I would last this long and every presents much the same problems. I still go through the process, where I reflect on the futility of the before resolving to do 1 more day on the basis that I have much to do yet.
My experience is that one of the most challenging things is to discover who I am and to realise which parts are real.
I am severely disabled but not totally. I will use what I have left as well as I can and hope that my efforts will enrich others and inspire my children.
God Bless You
Christmas Lunch 2007
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